You know... I have been engaged a couple times and thank goodness never got to the point where, it was too late to change my mind. I want to be married, one day.... After we have dealt with all the bullcrap that comes with the up and downs, and am sure that even through the hard times when i look over he will still be the one...The one i can lean on when I cannot stand on my own, the one that fulfills me completely, the one that I can count on in the good and bad times. ...... Yes I want all the romance that comes with it, I want to wake up everyday knowing that when I open my eyes he will be there. And that no matter what happens, we love each other- completely , truely , unconditionally... The romance, the security.

  BUT..... in the same respect don't want to get married on a whim , or a whirlwind romance and not know ... it still happens, there are just some things that your partner does that annoy the heck out of you. And that is just how it is, but you yourself have to be completely ready for better or worse. And know within yourself that you can be married, and that you won't wake up one day and want to trade your spouse in for something newer. And I say newer and not better because honestly that's all it ever is, not better just newer..... the new models tend to do the same if not worse to annoy you, or upset you, and then once you've done that you miss the person you thought you couldn't live with anymore. To be able to stand next to your partner when the rain is pouring down, well heck, not everyone can do that. It's a flaw the grass is always greener, until you cross the fence.

Many people just daydream, and some come to their senses and realize that what they have (even with unattractive absent minded habits) are the one you need to stand with and you're just plain retarded for thinking otherwise. My parents ( my mom and step dad) have been married 12 years but have been together 19 years. They chose to live together for years before they got married, because like my not perfect, but still worth every minute wonderfully awesome boyfriend Bj ( lowercase "j" ) , her first marriage was horrifying and she wanted nothing to do with another union ever again. My DAD( step dad), who  was not perfect yet wonderful in his way, and has been there for all four of us kids , finally convinced her to marry him, after asking repeatedly he never gave up... And they had their share of bad times  before they were married. And to this day they call each other during the day when my dad is at work, they kiss and cuddle and fight and argue, but they love each other and their marriage is solid.... That's what I want...... And they still manage to gross us all out, and our significant other and friends, as they tend to scar us all with their discussions on how they still get down!! yeah, but those are my parents and I would love to have what they have..

Living together is not a bad thing, even though most old fashioned thinking minds , or those who think they know all don't think it is a good thing, personally I think it helps you figure out the truth about you and them, while avoiding a huge waste of time and energy that comes with marrying someone you will look to leave when they get on your nerves. When you're ready.... really ready..... and not because everyone thinks you need to or wants you to... YOU and HIM together will know... and you will not see it coming he will do the most romantic thing for you and there in that moment you will cry at the romanticism and blurt out "YES" for all to hear..... And you can choose to keep it the way you want it , marriage just like a normal relationship is WORK, sometimes hard work, but it is not as easy to let go and walk away, so you tend to work harder at all of it... And you will bask in all the joys and wonders that come with growing old with that one person who completes you...( sorry had to go Jerry Maguire on it! LOL)

Make it your choice, everyone else can kiss ..well you know!!

And yes I am biased when it comes to Bj, for those of you who don't know him, He's a butt!!!! And yes I love him! he's facitious in every way, and until you know him, just SHUT UP, if you don't get what he's saying go sit down somewhere and reflect on yourself and see if you can figure it out. Here's your sign....  And by the way, other than the fact that he gets very exicited about certain things, Bj is very much a MAN!

And that so called "Institution of Marriage" that you speak of , has been rolled around stomped on and trashed in so many ways, it would take me a week to list them all, and I probably would never be done, everyday that goes by someone else spits on that institution male and female both, so the institution in not as sacred as it once was..... The love of it, the promise, the true meaning of it is beautiful, but when it's done for convenience, money, peer pressure, pregnancy,etc.... that part is worthless and leads to being in the situation when you wake up and wonder why did I marry them? what else is there? can I do better? And though marriage itself is not to blame , what it has been turned into is another blog for another day....

Untill then, Lotex can I please visit the land of the happy people with you, wait let me slow this down for you, I am afraid you might not get it...... ignorance is reflected in your opinion, and since ignorance is bliss, you must live in the land of the very very happy people. Unfortunately neither myself nor Bj have the priviledge, nay the pleasure of residing there.....Did you get all of that... oh wait more sarcasm.. maybe not oh well a waste of time and breath, sort of like lowering ourselves by responding to your ridiculous comments... but never the less somethings are necessary...

Alas my rant is done..

Ciao

Lotex Lotex Lotex...

Mmm k...so I am going to give you a pass, because as I see from your post it was 10 p.m. when you were typing and you were obviously worn out and tired from a long hard day of having no sense of humor what so ever. I know it would wear me out. But my post was sarcasm...mmm...k? Say it with me...'saaaaar-caaasm'

I'd actually blame the crazy, bi-polar woman who tried to kill me a couple times as the reason my marriage was not what it needed to be. I'd go on about it, but this is not the place or the blog to be putting up my personal business, but if you like I can easily send you the Claiborne Parish (Louisiana) Sheriff Department reports and/or pictures for verification of that fact.

I like the instituion of marriage. I respect it for what it should be. The relationship, the consistency, taking two lives and melding them as one, the cheesy, romantic shite, yeah I like all that.

While I do love me, and think I am quite friggan awesome...I do love my kids more than myself. Girlfriend, the super awesome Stephney...more than myself...so yeah that comment of yours doesn't hold water.

And its "Bj" <----lowercase 'J'....

But you have your opinion as you are free to do in this day and age and in this country. I choose to disagree and to laugh....Laugh Lotex...it's not a four-letter word.

Thanks for the comments and the advice, guys.

And Pat, just know that if things with me and the 'ol ball and chain don't work out, you and your mystery man will be first on my list to call. :)

Monogamy in large mammals is atypical. As Elvis well observed, "Marriage is like bringing a ham sandwhich to a "all you can eat" buffet." Guys ponder "getting some strange" and gals, in the educated selfabsorbed angst designed to sell glossy magazines,  analyze  "Reasons and rationalizations abound and rebound. It doesn't matter whether the infractions are big or small. At a certain point, we stop asking why and start asking how. How did it come to this? How much longer can I go on? When there are no hows left, the jig is up."

Marriage will remain as component of social cohesion and coordinator of property rights until it's replaced by contract law. Will there be folks that pair for life? Sure. Will they be the majority? Nope. Are they the majority now? Doubtful.

I agree with leftthistown on some things.

I started dating my husband 9 years ago and we have been married for 2 years of that. We have two children under 5 and I stay at home with them.

Have your own opinions about whatever - but until you live in a life like that of the woman in the article - it is really hard to put yourself in that place.

Like leftthistown said: It isn't about wanting a divorce - it is about thinking "is this all there is?"

If you look at it from my point of view - I am topped out in my occupation. I will never get a promotion - and I will always have the same duties. If I never go back to work - I will always be "just a mom." I am not saying there is anything wrong with that at all - that is just the way a lot of wife/stay at home moms feel.

They find themselves in this "place." I work 24 hours a day - 7 days a week. I am always on call and long after my husband is home - I am still puttering around the house cleaning, etc. I do this every. single. day.

The same messes. The same cartoons. The same toys to pick up. The same laundry. (You get it)

SO - basically - once you are married - have kids - and get into the routine of life - this is where you find yourself. I think it shows how full of love and stable your marriage really is.

Better to be stuck in life's daily routine than worried about an affair, alcohol/drug problems, or any of the other worse things that could be happening.

BJ: It's really a shame that you dishonor your grandparents memory, while exposing your own selfish nature and your unwillingness to love someone more than yourself. Don't blame a piece of paper. Don't blame the "institution of marriage". Take responsibilty and blame yourself. Be a man, not a hedonistic boy.

Your blaming of lack of divorces, or the large number of divorces(which was it?) for CRIME is so ignorant.....it defies explanation.

The key is not rushing into it. My wife and I were together nearly four years before we got married, and had lived together for three of those years.  We had a lot of our fighting and adjustments out of the way long before making it official. Of course we still argue a little, but stabbings and sleep beatings are much more rare now.

I think marriages fail because the people don't really know each other when they get hitched. After a few years you hit most of the fatal arguements that can send people packing. If you can have an all-out war and not leave when there's no obligation to stay, you'll do just fine after there's paperwork involved.

I AM SO MAD AT YOU! Up until now I was able to keep the hope alive that you were single and UNATTACHED! I have the perfect young man for you and now you have just blown it! I kept several scenarios going on about how y'all would meet, be perfect for one another, get married and give me more precious grandchildren. I can see now that that was never YOUR PLAN at all!

You know, on a more serious note, there are times when only one person in a relationship is actually "in the relationship". No matter how hard you try, you just can't get the other person to embrace the marriage even when there are kids involved and you know that it would be so good for them to have a mom and dad who worked at making a committment. Those things happen and are sad when they happen, but do not have to destroy a family. I know. I've been there.

Simple answer...don't do it.

I could be a little biased against marriage given what I went through, but these days it so much different from the time when people would get married for 40 and 50 years and what not.

My grandparents were married like 60 years or so, hell till my grandad passed away in '86. After that my grandmother was by herself until she passed a couple years ago.

It's simply not about the romantic image or marriage and true "I do" anymore. It's a piece of paper that causes you more stress than by not having it.

And I still stick by my reasoning that it is ridiculous you can go to Vegas and get married in a drive-thru chapel in five minutes yet you have to jump through umpteen hoops to get divorced from someone. If it was the other way around and you had mental tests and physical challenges and background checks and all types of s*** to get married and you could get a quick divorce it would be so much better. If people don't want to be together, why prolong it? There should be a spot on McDonald's value menu for a "McDivorce" you can order along with your Big Mac or McSkillet burrito.

Crime in this country would go down 40% easily. People do criminal s*** because they are pissed off about not being able to get divorced or five and six years later still dealing with it, I tell you.