Missing Puzzle Pieces
Relax, they're just words.
Real Name: G Barraza Member Since: February 21, 2008 Last Signed In: October 24, 2008 Profile Views: 139 Blog Views: 684 World Series 08: Time to Rays the Roof! 8 Things I Learned From The '08 Olympics Film Review: The Happening Film Review: "Sex & The City" Retroish NBA Finals: Lakers vs Celtics Film Review: "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" Late Night with Jimmy Fallon? REALLY?? Film Review: "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" YOUR American Idol... as if we care. "There and back again." Not just a Hobbit's opinion. February 08 March 08 April 08 May 08 June 08 July 08 August 08 September 08 October 08 November 08 December 08 
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Sixteen days. That's how long my sleeping schedule has been thrown out of whack by watching the Olympic Games. From the audacious opening ceremonies to the, um, equally audacious closing ceremony, I watched an ungodly amount of Olympic competition. Thanks to DVR, I became an old pro at navigating all the channels owned by NBC that they felt fit to throw any Olympic coverage on. NBC, USA, CNBC, MSNBC, Oxygen (I know, right?!), and yes, even Telemundo (sssh! Don't tell those border fence builders). Two weeks of sleepless nights watching both the marquee and the lame events. While not entirely pleased with the network coverage here stateside, I did enjoy the Games for the most part. In fact, I paid far more attention to these Games than any since Atlanta in 1996. Heck, I think I even learned a few things, and I'd like to share. Here are the top 8 things I learned from the 08 Olympics.
1. Aquaman Lives!  Who knew swimming could be so mesmerizing and dramatic? Michael Phelps, thou are the golden one. 8 gold medals. Eight. I couldn't even win eight events in that Mario/Sonic Olympic video game, much less in real life. Now, that one victory by 0.01 of a second had me jumping and hollering like a madman. I was so pumped I wanted to pull a "Frank the Tank" and go streaking down the street, but I didn't want to honor U.S. Olympic prowess by spending the night in the clink. The only question I have is… what the heck does Phelps do between now and 2012? Simple. Movies! If Johnny Weissmuller can play Tarzan, sign up this Olympian to play Aquaman. You know Hollywood will make any comic book hero into a film. Some even make beaucoup cash (Ironman, The Dark Knight). Heck, even if Phelps can't act, it can't be any worse than The Punisher movie or those two Fantastic Four movies. So yeah… Aquaman. I call dibs. I'm sure that guy from "Entourage" won't mind. If so, they can hug it out. 2. Lightning Bolts come from Jamaica.  I'll be blunt. Maybe because I'm not exactly in shape, but I marvel at the acheivements the human body can produce in these competitions. Now, I've always been a moderate track & field fan, but no one, I repeat, NO ONE has ever made it look so effortless as Usain Bolt. This guy is fast. Darn fast. He makes cheetahs drop their jaw in amazement. A bit of a showboat, but hey, it's the world's biggest stage. The display of the Jamaican track team was astonishing, while the USA track performances went to pot. What are they smoking down there, anyway? Wait, don't answer. 3. Redeem Team? Hardly. Even though they won the gold, I'm not convinced that USA basketball is quite back in prime shape. In fact, this latest "dream team" again just illustrated what's wrong with American basketball. We have a team loaded with slasher and dazzling finishers, but still so lean on fundamentals. And it took someone of Coach K's caliber to get these guys to play consistent defense. Maybe in the years to come we can develop real basketball skills like jump shooting or post-play or free-throw shooting, instead of a collection of isolation plays and dunks. The biggest surprise to me was the play of Chris Bosh, a Texas product languishing in Toronto playing for that Jurassic Park team. Can we get Mark Cuban to try and bring this guy back home and play for the Mavs? On a side note, how worried are Rockets fans to have seen Yao Ming wince his way through the tournament, clearly not 100%? This could be another injury-filled, heartbreaking season ahead. 4. Corporate sponsors If they sponsored the Olympic team, they WILL let you know. Visa took all your APR and late fee payments and handed them over to Morgan Freeman to narrate a seemingly endless series of commercials. My favorite is when they had the "Phelps congratulations" commercial the very next commercial break after he broke the medal record. While I commend the choice of Freeman, I can't hear his voice without thinking of: penguins, Batman gadgets, and the hope every time I see Se7en that Brad Pitt won't ask what's in the box. Also, what the heck is with this Lenovo company? Let's see, they had commercials with Sumo wrestlers turning into aircraft, a vaporizing laser-shooting computer, and the gold medal of oddity… that bizarre laptop commercial where some hairy troll gives a fruit basket. That one in particular kept me up watching games late into the night because I had nightmares. I also like how Coca-Cola didn't bother to make new ads. They just replayed that Sprite ad where the basketball players jump into the court/pool (no longer impressive after three years) and that Diet Coke rollerskating ad that I thought had Maria Bello in it when I first saw it four years ago. 5. Chinese have a flair for the dramatic! How about that opening ceremony for getting things started? That made Cirque Du Soleil look like those folks from Waiting For Guffman. I mean… wow. Nothing makes one stop thinking of a country's human rights violations for a few hours like a spectacular show like that. Ambitious and awe-inspiring, even if they had special effects for fireworks and they pulled a Milli Vanilli with a 7-year old girl. The real 7-year old probably had to get ready for gymnastics… oh, I' m sorry, I meant 16 year old (eyes rolling). Sure, China, whatever you say.  As far as the show… I gotta tell you, Zhang Yimou is a friggin genius. Of course with that estimated $300 million budget, who wouldn't look like a genius? Oh yeah. Me. My show would have been a fraction of the cost, but then again… I'd have had a few million Black Cat fireworks and then some assorted party hats and glow sticks from the local Dollar Store. Then I'd hire Chuck Mangione to perform. Heck yeah! Feels so good!  6. NBC Coverage? Not so good, Al.  He may be proud as a peacock, but I can't abide Bob Costas. Every phrase out of his mouth makes me groan audibly. The guy thinks he's witty, but he's only annoying. I can't fathom why NBC continues to trot this guy out and make him the centerpiece of any sports coverage. Couldn't they wrangle up Keith Olbermann? I'm sure we could've taken a few weeks off from slamming Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly to be the broadcast MC. And while no where in the vicinity of "ESPN annoying," the other networks coverage was also lackluster. The cretins they had on USA covering boxing made me cringe. And whatever that daily wrap-up show they had with Tiki Barber gave me a headache. Tiki's also high on the totem pole of annoyance. No wonder his former NY Giants teammates said good riddance and promptly won a Super Bowl without him. Oh, and NBC? Enough with the self-promotion. Does anyone watch "Deal or No Deal" anymore? Did anyone ever watch "America's Got Talent?" I have no interest in that Christian Slater show that looks like The Long Kiss Goodnight. Or in Val Kilmer as the voice of the new KITT in "Knight Rider." Or in Season 3 of "Heroes" unless you can wash out the bad taste of season two. On the other hand, thanks to your endless parade of promos, I now know "ER" is still on the air. I had no clue. I haven't watched that since Clooney and that Soul-Glo guy were still on it. 7. There are some questionable sports in the Olympics.  Three letters. B.M.X. Seriously. Olympic committee, I'll help you. Ctrl+Alt+Del. Reset and eliminate this bike thing. When I think of real sports in the Olympics, I have a hard enough time letting Badminton, White Water Rafting, and Synchronized Diving slide. You're getting rid of baseball and softball, but you have BMX racing. Wow. Just wow. This isn't the X Games, people. Give it the pink slip. I mean, what's next? Boggle Tournaments? Bingo? Wii Bowling? 8. There were plenty of American characters to hold interest. First, how heartbreaking was that Softball medal game for the USA women? It's a shame we won't see any softball in the Olympics until at earliest 2016. Sigh. Where am I gonna get my Cat Osterman fix??  It was great to watch women's beach volleyball. May-Treanor and Walch (and that nicotine patch-looking thing) made it impossible to root against them.  Shawn Johnson, what a sweet kid. Not quite Mary-Lou Retton, but Johnson could easily pull off a Minnie Mouse costume off for Halloween. Come on, tell me she's not "mouse-like."  Even non-medal winners may have a day in the sun. Alicia Sacramone may have completely come unglued and cost her team a medal, but she seems poised to become sport's next Anna Kournakova.  Ah, the power of google searches and internets can make anyone a star... So the net conclusion of two weeks of constant Olympic viewing? Those Chinese sure know how to throw a party. Yeah, a Communist party (hardy har). While mostly spectacle over substance, the Beijing games provided a rare look (albeit completely sanctioned) at the most populous country on Earth. In many ways a Disney-esque production; it was heck of a lot more interesting than going to Epcot center. For two weeks, China played nice. They tried to make "Made in China" mean more than American outsourcing. While they government's acts leave much to be desired, for two weeks we got to enjoy some genuinely fun and historic moments in the world of sport. Where medal counts are only important to the big wigs, but also where everyone could enjoy a brief global community. Pity we must return to the world not preoccupied by the Olympics. After all, for two weeks, it was all fun and games… wasn't it? 
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