I am one of your fellow citizens. I am one of your coworkers. I am one of your classmates. On behalf of a host of germophobes, I have a favor to ask you.

Stay in your house. Call in sick. Skip class and let a friend take notes for you. Don’t come near me.

Don’t you have any manners? Don’t you have any sick days? Don’t you have any gumption? I don’t want your communicable diseases.

No shopping spree, work project, or school function is important enough for you to have to leave your home and bring your walking pneumonia, your stomach virus, or your scarlet fever with you. As important a cog as you may be to your respective machine, your illness makes you temporarily ineffective and inefficient…Don’t take unnecessary risks that can damage your character.

And another thing. Don’t look at me like I’m the monster when I run away from you and refuse to look in your general direction. You, the infirm, are the perpetrator of bad manners. Although I admire your willingness to share, your “gift” is one that I will not be accepting. I see nothing rude about my declining your infected offering.

So please stay home and rest. The world will find a way to continue to turn during your brief absence.

Thank you,

Your pathophobic neighbor