I'm very happy right now and very exhausted in the very best way. You know those points in your life that you know will never leave you? Well, this past week has been far too beautiful to forget. My brother got married to his lovely girlfriend of many years. She is the best sister I could hope for.. and I'm really looking forward to mingling with her a little more and getting to know her. I realized at the wedding that I had no idea who my brother was even marrying! Ok that is misleading. I knew of her since the day that he met her; he constantly would talk about her.. though at the time he was living in a different city and we had very different lives that only crossed paths occasionally. We had a bit of a professional relationship back in those days and we really only used to hang out at my place. He was very protective of his friends, for lack of better words. I think he really wanted to draw a line and just make a statement like "these are my friends and they are not your friends so don't even try."

So I didn't try.. I respected his wishes to have a life totally separate from mine, because growing up I think that a lot of my friends were his friends kind of my default. He enjoyed the older company because we could drive him around; we could show him a good time and take him to parties.. You know, normal things that no 15 year old boy should ever see. Hehe.. I jest; it wasn't all that bad.

I do admit that I regret not hanging out with him so much. He had a very nice college experience that I missed out on for various reasons.. all of them my fault. I never got to go live on the beautiful campus surrounded by interesting people. I was a pretender over at UT while he was a student at Texas State . Now I'm thinking I really should have been a pretender over on his side of the fench.. haha.. because I got to meet a few people that were very close to him and very much within his circle of friends and not mine.. a fine bunch. I was a little nervous about being at the wedding, surrounded by family members who hadn't seen me in years and a lot of people who I just plain didn't know at all. Family is always kind of embarrassing for me because I haven't had the best five years in terms of living and all those important things. It's pretty sad when the only compliment an uncle can muster is "So.. you're still alive! That's .. pleasantly surprising." Except take out "pleasantly."

 Though I was nervous and frankly uncomfortable to be around so many family members, everything was fine due to an unexpected surprise. That's a really redundant kind of phrase.. "unexpected surprise." I was about to type "the best surprises are unexpected" but I got scared that I might be elected President. So I held back.

So back to my original story about why the wedding was something i will never forget.. not in my entire life. It was one of those times that no matter how far back it happened, i can remember every single moment so vividly. You know they say that some things that happen in life can never be forgotten. My mom still remembers exactly where she was when she heard the news that Kennedy was assassinated, or like when Dick "the Dick" Cheney accidentally blew up the WTC on a goose hunt.

I introduced myself to someone that I've known my whole life but have never met. It makes sense if you are me, and if you aren't then.. yeah ok, that's just abstract. I will never, ever forget where I met this person, and not just because it was at a wedding or even because it was at my brother's wedding. I will always remember because the first time I saw her, suddenly everything so beautiful and idyllic about the wedding farm faded and I was replaced by this tunnel vision.

A kaleidescope of Roses replaced what was once chocolate fountains and vines on white fences. Rosy was alone and walking around admiring the scenery. As she walked , she followed her finger along the curves of the chairs to her left. She looked at the harp and then noticed me. I immediately turned around. I was feeling a bit light headed all of a sudden. When I looked back at her, she made eye contact with me and the corner of her lips raised to a smile. I was hooked and I didn't fight as she reeled me in. Ok, so I was reeling myself in but that's not the point. We talked for hours that night, sometimes so intense that I could hardly notice the party happening all around me. Our party was much cooler; the music was better ;)

As we sat down on a bench and discussed life, love, liberty, and disco, I began to understand that something so pure and important was taking place.. Yes, I know it's cliche, and I can only hope that millions of other people have had the chance to experience what can only be described as "friend at first sight." Or something not so unbearably lame.

The following week was an extension of the wedding. It's never stopped.. It is only the beginning of a story that will inevitably be filled with everything that makes life worth living - kindness, dreams, love, support, respect, and attraction.

Our story is a blank book that has always existed and is only now being filled with words, images, memories, experiences, excitement, pleasure, pain.. everything that makes life worth living ;) Everything worth repeating a second, third, hundredth time over. She will never cease to fascinate me. One might read this statement and wonder how I am so sure of myself. I can see our book. We have scarcely written a fraction of the introduction and there are many thousands of blank pages waiting to be filled; begging to be worded with the experiences to come.

In due time, those words will appear, and whatever may fill this great book not yet written will be exactly how it should. everything in its right place, as they say. search my deepest motivations, my most guarded secrets and my most perfect fantasies and you will find her there. that is all that matters to me.. her presence electric and her intentions pure and guided by her heart of hearts.

i am sleepy now.. more to come.


-mrk (i just realized that my intials spell my name. can i buy a vowel?)