I ran across this cute shot of a birthday idea for a dog.....

My problem would be not knowing exactly when my current herd of dogs were born. One was rescued from being discarded on the bay, another from a busy highway, and the third from a shelter. I suppose one big order of three Happy Puppy meals and on a chosen day would do.

If this looks like something you'd do for your dog, and if your dog has a digestive system like my Catahoula, you might want to "hold the onions"!

A regular reader who posts here , sent me a little snippet from another blog today, that I couldn't help but share - along with a bit of my commentary. It goes:

Angela from Houston writes: Is it just me or, or is the ultra micro-mini denim skirt on females under the age of 18 getting out of control? Here's my "Top 10 Things I Learned From Attending the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo," where there were hundreds of these little prostitots walking around in what I like to call crotchless denim underwear.
Top Ten Things I Learned at the Rodeo Last Night-
10. You can wear crotchless denim underwear in public and not get arrested (aka super super-short denim mini-skirts)
9. If you are female under the age of 18, the required rodeo uniform is crotchless denim underwear, a barely there top and cowboy boots. Bras and underwear are optional.
8. Body weight and the size of your gut does not disqualify you from wearing crotchless denim underwear.
7. Parents probably have no idea their daughters are wearing crotchless denim underwear.
6. If you are a female under the age of 18, wearing crotchless denim underwear and cowboy boots does not make you look older, more sophisticated or like Jessica Simpson. It makes you look like a prostitot.
5. Wearing crotchless denim underwear will get you extra koozies at the Ford tent.
4. When I was in high school, our Rocky Mountain jeans may have been suck tight, but at least our a— was covered.
3. Prostitots wearing crotchless denim underwear always travel in groups, never solo.
2. Our daughters (should we have any) will not be allowed to wear crotchless denim underwear if they want to have a social life.
1. I've seen enough crotchless denim underwear to last a lifetime.

PROSTITOTS? CROTCHLESS denim? Gangs of these teenagers roaming the rodeo? I must have gone to the wrong rodeo.

Get a grip Angela. Sounds like your boxerthong is hitched up a little tight. I'm guessing the rodeo tix you got in the grab bag down at the Baptist Social or at the feed store raffle, were for the night Hillary Duff was scheduled to play.

I went to a rock show there too this year. I didn't see these roaming bands of girls you describe. Believe me, I would have noticed, and surely done an essay on THAT! What I did notice, was that there were a lot of pretty girls and women from near and far there. In fact two of them were related to me and accompanied my sons and I to see John Fogerty.

Angela, you need to come to town, maybe hit the mall more often. Fashions have changed. I hope you have boys.......they'll appreciate the fact that hemlines have been moving north of the knees for a while now.

If you do come to town, you might want to avoid the downtown scene. There are a lot more scarier things roaming down there than a bunch of teens out at the rodeo with their friends with tickets to see Lizzie McGuire.

Okay, this next song goes out to Angela. It's Junior Brown, doing "Venom in Denim"

No politics here. No naughty words here. No controversy here(I hope - if anyone finds this one worth debate, they need to get a life!)

I bailed the last two days of this week, skipped school (work actually) in the name of spring break.

"Spring Break" - WTF - we're talking 8 & 10 year olds here............. I'm thinkin', why didn't I,Pilot, get the benefit of a "spring break" when I was in high school. Hell, the closest thing I saw to spring break, was Connie Francis and the guys at Ft. Lauderdale in "Where the Boys Are". I thought it was just some freak yankee cult thing.

Back to the subject - sort of. Today, I attemped to entertain my offspring by loading up the canoe and heading to grandma's house on the bay for some canoeing and sun and fun. Great plan, started out on the right foot, just forgot one thing. This is a BAY - salt water, tides, waves.......To Cut to the chase, by the time we got the boat in the water, caution flags should have been hoisted. Aborted mission, but I take solace in knowing in my heart, that a bad day dealing with the adventure of keeping my kids safe and dry in choppy water, still ranks head and shoulders above a really good day in the office. The bay's still there, the canoe is still there - next time...

Now for the mirage part. A while back, The Greybeard Loon I think did a piece on heat mirages in Texas. As we were departing Seadrift today, but not yet past the bustling metropolis of Long Mott, my oldest pointed out the shimmering heat mirages dancing on the highway and in the distance across the freshly planted sandy loam maize fields. Well, I, as usual had my trusty camera handy, and decided to see if this phenomenon was actually recordable, and gave it a shot. The result was:



Ain't that cool? Not only did the road appear to actually lead off into a lake, but the old Long Mott Cotton Gin actually appears as a reflection in the imaginary pool......awesome! It don't get a lot better'n seeing nature put on a show for you does it? Okay, It may not be the Northern Lights, but if one of those kids up in Minnesnowta encountered a horny toad, they'd run home to momma, swearin' they'd seen a monster frog with horns. If they actually saw it squirt blood from it's eyes, it would end up as a made for TV movie. Next: Kathobs and Chupacabras...
from "Off The Beaten Trail", by William Edward Syers.

An Afterthought - wtf - regarding copyrights and acknowledgements for excellent work. "off the beaten trail", Googled, led to an abyss of stuff b4 finding Mr. Syers' brilliant pieces on Texas folklore. Repeat after me: Rio Grande, Red River, Sabine River, New MexicOklahoma, Golfo de Mexico. You're either in, or you're trying to find a way to "git in and fit in".

Just caught a piece in today's Chronicle, about the fabled "don't drink the water" custom that has existed since as long as I can remember. Anybody who has lived around here for any length of time, has personally experienced, or has heard horror stories about the pitfalls that await you after a mere drop of the local water supply from anywhere south of the Rio Grande. Personally, I was starting to believe it was a myth - that is until my last trip to Cozumel.

On the last day of my stay, I discovered how quickly you can abandon a 50CC Honda scooter, engine running in the middle of the road, and retreat into the jungle without hesitating to wonder or care what might await in said jungle.

So much for the myth. I had taken all of the usual precautions too, sticking to a liquid diet of rum, tequila, cerveza, and an occasional bottle of water and requesting that my ice be made from purified water. I don't know where the plan fell apart. I suspect possibly from washing my dive regulator in tap water, I could have accidentally ingested some tainted water from the hoses or mouthpiece. Maybe the maid didn't approve of my tip and filled my water bottles from the tap. Who knows?

I do remember that it was a long flight back, and that I lost twenty-five lbs before that little shot of drano had run it's course. I even came up with a couple of acronyms for the newfound rapid weight loss plan - ADD (Amoebic Dysentery Diet) or TTWP (Tampico Tap Water Plan).

Back to the article in the Chronicle. It seems that the Mexican government is convinced that the local water supplies are no longer unfit to drink. In an attempt to reduce the need for and consumption ($3.4 billion annually)of bottled water, they are going to begin a campaign over the next few months to promote the quality and safety of their public water supplies.

Before my little episode that began with the 50 yard dash into the Mayan jungle, I might have been tempted to believe it.

All I can say at this point is "you go first". I'll check back with you in a day or so to see if you are wearin' track shoes and have your pockets stuffed full of throw down tissue.....

In reference to his failed plan to have an Arab government run our shipping business, Bush, loosely quoted: "We have to consider the feelings of our allies, friend and moderate Arab neighbors". bul****!

We need to consider the financial self sufficiency of our own population, and to re-learn how to function as a prosperous, stand alone society. Unfortunately, that might preclude having room for some of our Bill Gates, Michael Dell, Warren Buffett, Ken Lay, Donald Trump types and their paper and smoke and mirror method of amassing a wealth that would be better distributed a bit more evenly among the rank and file.

We need to embrace professional sports just a bit less like the athletes are gods from Mount Olympia . A-Rod, Barry Bonds, and Shaq and Koby aren't worth mega millions - any more than Stan the Man Musial and Mickey and Ty Cobb were, and the NBA is not to be considered as reparations for the injustice of slavery (unless they are willing to spread the wealth, and advocate squashing sexist, violent rap music). The entertainment industry, film, TV, and sports is as guilty as the oil and gas sector in this regard.

Am I being socialist or Communist here? Not intentionally. I just believe that there is a middleground between a society that allows shameful wealth and fortunes to be amassed by the few, while so many wallow in the grip of poverty, and as many more are a paycheck or two from going either direction.

We have passed the 200 year average where most prosperous "civilized" societies have imploded from governmental ineptitude, greed and partisanship, fiscal imbalance and moral decay.

Wouldn't it be a switch, in light of our technnological advances, to be the ones to find that spiritual, financial, ecological balance that sets the standard for the planet - one which is at first tolerated worldwide, then accepted, and finally embraced, as The Way by the rest of mankind. One which is not a society of imperialism, and unmentionable, inexplicable paradoxes and inequalities, but one where hard work and achievement are rewarded within reason, laissez faire is considered lazy, and the genuinely infirm and disabled are cared for?????

I'm sorry George, but I think you must have some ulterior motive, and some under the table **** going on with you and your dad's "friends", in light of the fact that you all don't have any oil wells of your own.

Why don't we prove to them that they need us rather than the other way around. The palaces, marinas and indoor ski areas that are popping up in the desert, serve only to point out the enormity of the imbalance.

If things were structured the way they should be, when Saddam said he wanted "golden showers" in all of his palaces, he would have gotten what he truly deserved!

Okay, I know Ash took a stab at this and it generated some comments, including one from your's truly. That seemed to have run it's course, but I just got a gentle nudge to keep it going with a piece I saw on Inside Edition.

This is regarding born again virgins. I'm sorry, but you can unscrew a light bulb, not a person. "Born again" is a figure of speech folks,(unless you are into tent revivals and/or reincarnation)! You did the big nasty or you made love or you got it on. Hope it was good for you too, and hopefully, nobody held a gun to your head. Ain't no rewind here. You did it, and it likely won't be the last time, and certainly not the best.

We are a society wrought with debauchery, denial, and if it feels good, do it. We can always litigate, mitigate, liposuction, plea bargain, and surgically reconstruct, to undo our misgivings - Right?

I'm sorry, but I think maybe being accountable for our actions and a willingness to work with the aftermath of mistakes, makes a lot more sense, morally, philosophically, and fiscally.

Oh yeah, an afterthought here - non-sexual in content. I saw a medical reporter telling of a revolutionary remedy for obesity. Maintaining a healthy intake of food and drink, exercising at a level sufficient to promote a loss of body fat, and once at a healthy physical state, maintaining a healthy regimen of reading, meditating, food/drink intake and above all, physical activity. Duh, go figure.

We don't stop playing because we get old and out of shape, people. We get old and out of shape because we stop playing.

Playing doctor or spin the bottle counts as playing, if you are a grown-up..............both undoubtedly speed up the heart rate.

Rodeo Roundup time gang!
Well, I think I made my feelings about rodeo known a while back, so I won't open that can of worms again. Suffice to say, we had a nice family outing at the Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo this week, and I didn't spoil it by setting any livestock free or spray painting animal fur to render it garmet unworthy. I avoided the calf roping event and we had a great time listening to music and turning the tables on the carneys with their "get the cash from our hands to theirs" gimmicks.

My youngest is a natural athlete. He wanted to try shooting the basketball at the high, small hoops for a prize stuffed animal. A near impossible task at best. I caved in and let him take a $3 shot. You guessed it - N-B-N, swish! Rather than gloat at the carney barker trying to figure out how he did it, I caved in a second time and let the guy bait me into trying a shot, part of me feeling sorry for him being had by an eight year old hustler who shot from his "sweet spot". Well, I took the ball and I know he was counting on minimizing his losses with me. NOT! The kid must have rubbed some good luck on me. Sameaux, sameaux - SWISH II. He didn't ask us to try again. I think he thought we were ringers, planted by the rodeo committee.......



One thing my little one loves, is stuffed animals. Another thing that'll light him up is good music, in this case, John Fogerty, especially when he picked up his Louisville Slugger guitar/bat, and broke into a lively "Centerfield"



I'll not go into a trance here and babble further about a trip back in time to see Creedence - but I could.... Suffice to say, anyone to whom his music means anything, would do themselves a big favor by going to see him. He puts his heart and soul into every lick and lyric with the fervor of a man half his 60 years in age. Add to that, his new stuff is as good as the old and he is just starting a new era in his music.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention -

THE RIDE

I don't know what possessed me, but I got on the same ride on the midway, that my 18y.o. niece did. It was an octopus looking thing that flailed it's steel tentacles with a seat on the end, and spun (very fast, I might add). I remembered too late, why I don't ride those things. I am not a prolific praying sort, but I alternated between praying the restraint bar wouldn't come open, and trying to calculate just how far out in the parking lot I'd land if I got a "no" as the answer to my prayer……... If I had only considered before climbing up and getting clamped into that seat, "this is not an Astroworld maintained ride, but nooooo, it is a carney ride. Dismantled hauled on trucks from town to town and reassembled, by those guys shooting dice out behind the trucks and trailers". Obviously, I survived to write this and warn others........

So, build it already! I'm sick of hearing jokes about the I-69, Ay,Yi,Yi -69 Corridor - the Salsa/Canuk Expressway. I drive the route enough, that I'm ready for it to become a full fledged part of the interstate highway system. I have endured it since well before it was rerouted and widened around all the one horse towns between Victoria and Houston. Back when you hit every light in Edna, Wharton and El Campo, praying the local constabulary wouldn't notice the freaks in the car and pull you over and take away your party favors, enroute to see a Procol Harum/Ten Years After Concert in the big town.

Interstate status would take out that one last deadly variable - crossovers at grade, or the drunk shooting galleries. And with any luck, the exits at Hilje, Pierce and Louise would stay as is, allowing the really loose cannons to bail off and kick it up to ninety past the old post offices and beer joints and blow by those 61 mph rolling parking lots on the main lanes, impeding the flow of Houstonians doing their pace laps, getting ready for hitting Sugarland and the start of the Space City 500.

I can't wait to see some of the "I (fill in this space)on I-69" bumper stickers! Careful when knocking on steamed up windows at the rest area between Inez and Victoria.

I've started this and restarted it already a few times. Originally, it was to be an essay on the ups and downs and joys and pitfalls of Little League managing from a "Buttermaker's" bad news bears type of perspective. Ain't workin' for me, so I'll just relate my latest foray into this thing called "Little League".

My appearance and personality, pretty much preclude my being part of the "brotherhood", or insiders group of managers in my league, so when I'm managing the younger kids rather than drafting older ones. I generally get the rag tag bunch after the other guys have nudged the league board and let them know which ones they want on their teams. No biggie - at this age (8), the plan is to teach and to have fun.

Works for me. Fits my style, and how much more fun can you have than playing ball with a bunch of 8 year olds, anyway? Next year when they hit 9 and the records are meticulously kept, is when it starts to get a bit intense. Not the kids mind you - the parents, but that's an essay in itself, best saved for later.

Some of the front end chores involved in getting a team up and running by opening day are really the hardest part. After the games start, it's a breeze - teach, practice and play!

Beforehand though, there are those admin. tasks that can drive you crazy: finding a team mom, finding a sponsor, selling candy for the fundraiser, finding volunteers to assist me in managing and coaching, that can pass rigid background checks (yes I passed).

Here's where the title to this piece comes in. Candy sales, while usually a simple matter of leaving a box in the coffee bar at the office with a cute picture of my son swinging a bat attached, and letting the candy sell itself and picking up the money at the end of the day. Actually, quite encouraging, is that like newsrack paper sales, selling candy like that is one of the few places where the "honor system" still works, and folks pay for one and take one and that is that. Sometimes, they even toss in a buck extra to help out the cause.

I'd like to think a few did that at newsstands too back in Austin in the '70s. It would sort of offset my little pang of guilt associated with my practice for a few weeks after my Irish Setter delivered a litter of 19 little red Tribbles to me. Seems I was in need of a LOT of newspaper, and only one hit my driveway daily, and times being tight.......well, I found this little MinitMart off Burnet Road, that for whatever reason, had a quite poorly performing news rack, and on any given morning at about 4:30, (don't ask why I was still up at that time) you could pick up quite a stack of yesterday's paper for a quarter, (on Monday mornings, four bits would fetch a hell of a stack of orphan Sunday rags. There, that's finally off my chest.

Where was I? Oh yeah, baseball candy sales. As luck would have it, this year as soon as I picked up the candy - I was handed a plane ticket to the northeast for work, and my wife has handled the candy sales. I started off in my search for help managing by having the first volunteer mention a "little family violence thing" that might be a problem with the background check Oops! Here we go again.....Turns out he's really a nice guy, and I'm pretty sure we can work his generosity into practices and non-field activities.

From that point on is where Little League Heaven came in. One mom stepped forward with a ton of energy, volunteering to be team mom AND our sponsor. Two other dads stepped up to assist me on field - the first PDF'ed all his paperwork to me, the second is a DPS crime lab employee named Jesus.

Maybe, this is just payback time for all those seasons when I had to go door to door begging for a sponsor. Or the teams where I had two traveling dads, too busy to help me manage and eight single moms with four other kids at home......, so I did it with my wife's help.....

The league guy told me he probably wouldn't need to run a background check on Jesus, and the team mom's got my back at tomorrow night's league meeting, allowing my family and I to go to the rodeo and see John Fogerty!

LIFE IS GOOD!

Maybe I'll hit the midway with the kids b4 the show - kinda doubt I'll hit the calf roping event though. Might drop by and admire some Whataburgers on the hoof too...........

I'm trying to sort out all of the diets and ideologies involved with our daily intake of items in the ever changing foods pyramid. Oh yeah, and the folks who are pushing their plans and beliefs out there for us, to decide if they are gospel, guidelines or just their personal opinions or a bul**** ploy to sell a book.

Linda McCartney advised "don't eat anything that has (had?) a face. Tell that to the grizzly, noogies deep in cold river water, watching for a smiling, leaping for Joy,(girl salmon), hormones raging, swimming for all he's worth, UPSTREAM, to get some. If you asked some what?, stop reading here.

Vegans, are militant vegetarians. No remote connections to any animal will enter their digestive system.....or so they claim. I wonder if they stake out their plant prey to insure that a possum or armadillo didn't croak of natural causes, or answer the call nearby, and in the totally innocent process of decomposition, contaminate that prized wild onion or mushroom with smiley, possum faced fertilizer. To you guys, I say "get over it".

Vegetarians, on the other hand, are on to a healthy lifestyle, but they would probably be well served to have a plate of veal scallopini or a Whataburger or corndog, or some fried oysters, from time to time, just to keep their system honest and functioning as the creator designed it to be.

Then there are the card carrying carnivores. Ugh - me need meat, maybe me even kill for meat. Just kidding, they are those of us who like some chicken marsala or a plate of brisket or ribs - along with some corn on the cob and a chunk of watermelon for dessert.

I'm really just musing here - poking some fun at all of the "my way" types. Hey, whatever floats your boat or blows up your skirt. If you are really off base with your food intake, the old bod' will tell you if you have enough of an I.Q. to receive the data. (a malnourished appearance and a skeletal image in the mirror is a dead giveaway)

What's the opposite of, or antonynm to vegan? Not sure, but probably one who prefers meat harvested from a living critter................and milk stolen from a nursing calf.

Bon Appetit.......coffee, O.J., and oatmeal for breakfast for me. Sorry, Daisy, but I'm going to need a bit of butter for the oatmeal??????

Sometimes my posts do tend to chap some butts (and some are even intended to), The previous one was not. I did not mean to offend anyone. I simply wanted to testify that in my book, anything short of welcoming back all residents to resume their lives, for better or worse, would be discriminatory, and an imposition on other areas who had welcomed them in their time of crisis. I do concede there is a bit of biased PR going on here, due to the sheer number of Katrina victims displaced and living here. A lot of the increase in the crimes REPORTED here is of crimes committed by folks from N.O. In truth, there are as many crimes that are perpetrated against them, either by the local thugs, or by other evacuees. It's just better fodder for headlines, I guess, to identify the NOLA folks and make it a STORY. I stand by what I wrote, in principle. Houston or New Orleans............Big Easy or Big Sleazy,greasy Bayou City, both have their charm and their good points, both have their foul underbelly. This time N.O. needed us. Next time, the Galveston Bay/Houston Ship Channel petro pimp, refinery row complex may incur the wrath of God, and the shoe will be on the other foot. We will be relocating in droves to the industry center from New Orleans to Baton Rouge, looking for work and a dry place to sleep. I do not doubt for a second, that if the delta country is restored, and up to the task, that the favor will be returned.

I am a Texas native, but one born in our "Golden Triangle", the TexLa bayou country, sometimes lovingly referred to as "Baja Louisiana". I am equally at home eating a plate of enchiladas and salsa verde as I am having boudin and cane syrup over biscuits for breakfast.

To quote a wise man from L.A., well okay, Rodney King,(after a sound *** whippin', and a few riots) "can't we just be friends?"

Hey, I heard on the noon news that Ray Nagin's in town, stumping for the NO mayors spot b4 the displaced residents here. I'll hold out for a while, before making an assessment of what is reported and chiming in - if I do at all. It'll be interesting to hear his plans and ideas for his city's future at this point. I have no doubt his heart is in the right place. If it is to be, for him to return to office, I hope and pray he is up to the daunting task he faces, and that the old LA, good ol' boy politics do not supplant efforts to reconstruct (once again) a legendary piece of southern culture.