Victoria Osteen:
"Eeeeew, maid there's something sticky on my first class seat".
yada, yada, chill I'll get someone to clean it.
Whack! get out of my way, and show me to the cock pit. I'll need to talk to the driver.
Oops - before the bottom line.....the FAA report, stating that V.O. had grabbed the flight attendant by the arm, and elbowed another in the breast, was photographed and reprinted in Thursday's Houston Chronicle, along with the news that there was a civil suit pending against Mrs. Osteen by the FA.


Bottom line: Rich girl+bad day+attitude+scheuled flight with commom folk (one of whom left potential DNA on the armrest of the Queen of Lakewood's assigned seat)= b**** fit and pushing around the stews and ultimately getting tossed from the flight and eventually fined $3k by the FAA for having a bitchy blonde moment. Kick back, and chill Vickie. Can you say settle out of court?

In all fairness, she may actually have been stressed to the point of going off on a flight attendant, but the spot she keeps warm at the right hand of the son of the son of the son of the father, comes with the responsibility of being able to show some grace under fire.

A tip - settle with the flight attendants this time, and in the future, check on the time of the month you plan to travel before making reservations, and on your current fragility factor before deciding whether to fly commercial or to dig a bit deeper into the plate and come up with the bucks for a Blessed Lear Jet or a charter.

bottomest line: I like Joel. He is charismatic and undoubtedly, a breath of fresh air for an otherwise staunch and stale and unbending protestant Christian lot. I thought this matter was put to rest a while back. With the Feds involved, I should have known better. I hope they get it resolved soon and that his partner comes to understand and accept the ramifications of the tendency to regard her entourage as "wholier" than thou.

Help! I'm scheduled for a sleep study, and I have no idea what I'm getting into..... Mama says I snore. Period - case closed. Kids say it doesn't bother them, but then they don't have to sleep next to me, except for maybe after a bad dream or during a bad storm. In all honesty, I'm sure it's a problem for her, though I don't recall hearing any snoring. But the occasional gentle nudge, sometimes followed by a sharp elbow to my ribs or waking up in a sleeping bag in the wheelbarrow at the end of the driveway next to the street, tells me maybe it's true. I suppose that beats the middle of the street, or waking up with her straddle me with a pillow pressed to my face smothering the sound and the source.

Anyway, I am being proactive and doing something about it - of my own volition. I'm looking at a prescribed sleep study at a clinic this weekend. Does anybody out there have any firsthand experience with this? I'm kind of in the dark (no pun intended) here on this one. Hopefully i'll receive some instructions and guidance in the mail from these folks before my "sleepover"......

Otherwise, I will be compelled to just "wing it" and show up in my Spongebob Squarepants boxers with my buckwheat pillow and maybe a good book and a glass for the complimentary Chardonnay they surely serve......

All kidding aside, I suppose this is serious. My doctor tells me that it could have a seriously positive effect on my high blood pressure and being so tired

during the daytime.

Any insight on this subject would be greatly appreciated. Otherwise, I'll report back in a week and let you know how it went and what they thought of my "Spongebobs".

Not THAT Olive oil, pervert. Get your mind out of the gutter. Popeye, in an attempt to be trendy, died yesterday after eating a salad that consisted of fresh cucumbers on a bed of fresh spinach with an olive oil/vinegar dressing.
E-coli, E-coli, EEEEEEE-coli.

The cunning runt should have stuck to ripping off the tops of canned spinach.

This just in.........it appears that the cast of "Mythbusters" (sometimes referred to as Jackass for nerds)has become the latest casualty of the killer spinach. Seems one of them tried to replicate the whole Popeye/super strength through spinach thing, but using the dreaded E-coli fresh version. The other is in stable condition after attempting the same feat using canned spinach. He's resting comfortably after surgery to repair a hernia.

Hah! Now, there's a silly question if I've ever heard one. Actually, back in '82 when I volunteered to retreat into that dark room full of old raster phosphorous monitors and claim my spot in the computer revolution, one day I had an old drafter/designer/geezer tell me just that. He said "son, learn Leroy, and how to handle a blueprint machine - those little boxes of wires will never replace a man with good lettering and drawing skills"........In the next breath, he said, regarding engineering companies here in Houston, "and let me tell you somethin' else - if you work for one of these sumbitches, you've worked for all of 'em, so don't be afraid to move when you see the writing on the wall, and you don't notice your name there". His second piece of advice was nuts on. His first..........well, suffice to say, that when I wanted to look him up down the road to crow about how my lettering and line work had improved once I was off the board and on the "machine", I found that he had been sent packing, off into the sunset, for refusing to adapt and give up his drafting board.

I suppose in a way though, I was fortunate to have started when I did. I got in on the end of an era of tramp draftsmen and learned to draw and letter and produce pretty nice looking hand crafted drawings. I still sport the writing callous on the first knuckle of my middle finger, and I still posses the drafting tools I worked with almost thirty years ago. Hell, I'm a packrat - I probably still have a shirt or two boxed away with the elbows worn through from leaning on a drafting board, and maybe even a clip on tie or two and a pocket protector.....he was right about another thing too....... I have now officially worked for just about all these sumbitches. A couple of them I wouldn't go back to on a bet. A half dozen more, call every few months to see if I'm available. Guess what the answer i$.

Geez - at my age, an age when most guys are looking for a second home in Rockport or Mexico, to gently settle into in ten years, what am I doing? I'll tell you. I'm putting up with 9 & 11 year old sons, complaining about having to have some input into our choice of a new abode, and a wife a number of years my junior, looking for a place that qualifies for a spot on HGTV, complete with a pool, spa, and a kitchen that would make Martha Stewart reach for a Kleenex.

I'm looking for two or three quiet acres, maybe within a county or two of my office, room for a pool or better yet, a stock tank and a dirt bike track and/or a baseball field, complete with lights......

Is there a middle ground here?

Meanwhile, I'll try to be available when the housewife -turned real estate mogul leads us from subdivision to planned community in her Lexus, exclaiming: I just "feel it" here, at every other house we look at, based on the margin.

In all fairness to the female of my species, I do not regard all women in real estate as I have portrayed the one who is methodically guiding me from one place on her list to the next.

You see, I have a dear friend, unfortunately half a state away, who is in the same business. Call me biased, but I wish she were here. As much as I'm sure she will ply her trade and do her best to make a sale, as failing is not in her nature, I also know that her heart and soul will make certain that any sale she makes will be in the best interest of the family she is finding a home for........

Did I mention that I wish Beckie was here looking for a house for me?

To be continued......

Okay, I'm going to b**** about the network news tonight. The real target of this rant though, is BIG OIL, but my suspicion is that the hand picked, perky little pixie reporter with the "come and get it big boy" smile pasted on her face was only following network orders while she glibly reported the recent, however temporary lower prices at the pump.

When is the last time any of us thought we'd be getting moist over the price of gas falling to two and a half big ones? Can you say market maipulation? Can you say manufactured shortage? Good, boys and girls! Good for you!

Now ladies, you'll have to find a gynecological equivalent for this next question..........Guys - does this momentary downward gas price trend, after paying three bucks with hints of four or more on the horizon, in any way ring of finding yourself in the middle of a prostate exam and all of a sudden, noticing that the doctor has BOTH hands on your shoulders?

The closest thing to a consolation here, is that KY jelly is NOT a petroleum product.

Hor-hay (okay, George), in a lot of folks' minds, is a sorry excuse for a president and clueless as a leader of our country. In his defense, he must be a hell of a nice guy to work for though, because if his speech writers, teleprompter operators and whoever writes those big letters on his cue cards ever decide to split, the poor sucker will be left blowin' in the wind.

That he was elected to a second term, speaks poorly of the rest of us as a voting public, and I feel that that will surely be felt as a smarting slap on the face in November by the Republicans. Mark my word on that. Save this and wag it under my nose if I'm proven wrong, but Forrest Dubya Gump stumbled into the spot he occupies, and this ain't the movies. A big backlash against his party will be felt come election day, and he'll still be tripping on his words and actions for two more years, until the other shoe falls. I'm praying that the fallout from the ground swell of distrust of this administration is felt all the way back to Austin, his last place of employment, and reflected in our governor's race. I don't hate him, but I'll be happy as hell when he's back in Crawford full time, riding his mountain bike with Lance and not embarrassing us and driving a wedge between us and the rest of the planet with his attitude, and that little "I'm the prez and you're not" smirk welded on his face.

I guess I should also include their military credentials - awol rich boy reservist and semen first class......

David Y. sent along a piece this morning, regarding the war on terror, and it detailed how we started the job and had the Taliban on the ropes and Osama on the run in Afghanistan and how we were headed in the right direction in the war on terror, but were derailed by our Comedian-in-Chief and with his "damn the torpedoes" approach to obsessing with gettin' that guy what tried to hurt my daddy.

Well his predecessor, it should be pointed out, probably dropped the ball as well, when he had Osama in his sights and got buck fever. Actually, it was probably not so much a case of buck fever as that little distraction in the blue dress that sidetracked hot nuts.

Either way, they both screwed up the opportunity to do it right. They each had their own Waterloo.

With Bush, it was his obsession with Iraq. With Clinton, it was his obsession with a rack..........huh?

Rack 'em up.

In all fairness to Mr. Bill, without his figs in Hillary's grip in his waning days in office, he probably could have thought straight enough to have done what it took to send Bin Laden to his date with Allah. Goofy boy, on the other hand could f*%k up a free meal. And he couldn't find Osama in the Oval Office bathroom.

Duhhhhh, How could it not be right???? Okay, maybe the rare blindness thing might scare off a guy here and there, but as many more, after an extended dry spell, and mulling over his options and the realistic chance of "ol' Blue" facing up after years of staring at the floor, are going to beat down the door to line Pfizer's pockets.

Yes, I have seen the ads where they say "an erection lasting longer than four hours..........") I have to wonder if that isn't the point at which Pfizer's toll free lines all light up, and as if by some coincidence, it isn't 75% middle aged women on the other end, calling "on behalf of their husbands".

Yes, I have seen the disclaimers about a possible sudden drop in blood pressure. Duhhhh squared! Why not kill about three birds with one stone? They could render a plethora of other B.P. meds useless, while "raising" the bar for countless numbers of frustrated couples. And lastly, feed it to some of the geezers in the old folks homes. The resulting stiff appendage should keep 'em from rolling out of bed...though I can see where that might give some of the old gals pause to think about purchasing some track shoes.

Now, how long has that little blue pill been on the market? Isn't there a point where the patent expires, and generics are permitted? Can you imagine some of the new names/slogans for it?
"Kickstand in a bottle"
"Rent-a stiffie"
"Between you and me....."
"My point, exactly"

Yeah, those are some really nasty side effects for an old guy to have to deal with, eh? A lowering of their blood pressure and a four hour woody........

Just a bit of a disclaimer here. No fine print, I promise - (I'd need a magnifying glass to write and proof-read it anyway). I offer my apologies for my recent trend of dredging the internet for interesting pics and populating my own corner booth with them and some attempt at a humorous or clever comment, all in the name of filling a space.

I started this blog in the hopes of telling my stories, and offering my commentary on events, past and current, along with my everyday observations as a city boy, latenik dad, transplanted from the bay and attempting to cope with the 5 to 5 (paying work)first shift, and the 5 to 5 (dad) second shift.

I realize that I have been a bit on the short side lately as far as some decent stories, real, contrived or otherwise. As well, I have also been laying low on offering my comments and opinions on current events and politics. I pledge to find the time and energy to get back to what I do best - storytelling abd bitching. Please bear with me - both of you..........

As an afterthought, while blaming the recent lapse on my adult responsibilities, I must admit that in some small way, the backyard moonshine still/bottling venture, and the whole cross dressing ballerina kick probably has contributed as well. (Revenooers - please come to the front door and knock - it's a joke).

The lucid part obviously went south here somewhere. I'll try to do better.

This was the sight last night. We know it as the "Harvest Moon". I read a story earlier this week that foretold of the upcoming "Comanche Moon" on Thursday. Seems that was the nickname given the harvest moon by early settlers in the Republic of Texas. Truth is, they probably spoke of any full moon on a clear night as such. You see, on those nights, Comanche raids, by the bright light of the moon, were their worst fears realized. My guess is that the Apaches out west, and all of the other tribes inhabiting this area, were equally as adept at recognizing an opportunity when they saw it.

In fact all they were doing, was a bit of common practice - a cover of darkness requisitioning and expiditing and procurement of some of the things they could use or needed to compete, from the clutches of those who sought to exterminate as many of them as possible, and to sprinkle holy water on the ones surviving the carnage, in a feeble attempt to render them "acceptable".

When I referred to the cover of darkness requisition as common practice, what I was referring to is the way I see it today. My tribe, or some of us at least, will use the "flex hours" (cover of darkness) at 5AM, to execute "shopping" raids on freshly vacated cubicles, in our cube farm. My last score, was this killer leather office chair. (I left my cloth covered one as a token of my appreciation). Hope they don't mind a couple of pico de gallo stains....... Leather is soooo much more forgiving of one who eats at his desk.

Anyway that's the story of the early and later Texas natives using the cover of darkness to get their deeds accomplished. So far, my tribe hasn't had to take any scalps, but you never know...........

I think it's safe to say that this driver is not one you'd want to cut off in traffic.
I'm guessing it's safe to say that this one is capable of re-defining the term "road-rage".

He was a ham wasn't he? I can relate. Otherwise you wouldn't be reading this. He was at times controversial. God knows, I am so bland and conforming, that at least that's not an issue for me. :-)> I offer some humor to break the solemn occasion of his death.

As with the passing of Jacques Cousteau, we have once again lost one of the sentries of our environment. For that, I am sad.

I am a diver. I am an environmentalist. I do so hope, that of the countless kids and adults who were entertained by Steve Irwin's antics and his "reality environmentalism TV", some will become activists, and motivated to carry his message forward.

Once, when asked what scared him, Steve said: "people, some have guns and they are unpredictible". I live in the city - I can relate.

Underwater, it really is a much safer and more hospitable place.