Happy Halloween friends! HUrry home after work as will I. There are kiddies to bestow a one night sugar buzz on. I'm sure there are going to be the usual compliment of trucked in teenagers wearing "attitude" tee shirts in place of costumes...., all looking for some candy as well, while praying for a Red Bull instead. For them, I have a special treat. I have about 250 ripe grapefruits, near about bringing my tree to it's knees. What better way to do a kid a favor, than a gift of fresh fruit, eh? They're really juicy this year. Maybe I'll pass out sugar packets and straws with them!

Now, I'll leave you with an election eve ghost story.......



The four ghosts of the White House:

One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him. Bush asks him, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?"


"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, and then fades away.

The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"

"Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from sight.

The third night sleep is still not in the cards for Bush. He awakens to see the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"


"Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies and fades into the mist.


Bush isn't sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush pleads, "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?"


Lincoln replies, "Go see a play."

Get out the Handi-Wipes folks. We are down to the mud slingin' home stretch of election week. We're in that stretch in which if 5% of what the major candidates say about the other were true and brought before a jury, they would all be locked away and the guys who honestly deserve to win would have a lock on the elections.

Unfortunately for all of us, that ain't the case - and the ones who have the most cash and corporate pimps in their pockets likely will be back where they can do the most damage, come January.

I am though, speaking in general here. On the bright side, as I predicted here a while back, it does appear that the Bush administration and the Republicans in general, are going to suffer a major *** whippin', pretty much purely of George's making. I must admit though, that Mark Foley getting caught waving his pecker at the Congressional pages' Kid Corps' dormitory and losing what small grip he ever had on reality, was a nice little catalyst, added to the torpedoing of the U.S.S. Neocon. Likely, as time goes on, with the impending neutering of the Republicans, I'll back off a bit on my Bush bashing. I started this blog over a year ago, with the plan of having fun, telling stories, and sharing humor, mischief and social commentary as I saw fit. I allowed my activist self to become sidetracked and editorially involved in a situation that I feel is as bad as I've seen since I carried signs in the streets during the Vietnam era. There is hope that the current dilemma we face is on the way out.

Please vote like you want things to change for the better, but whatever you do, VOTE!

Here's what a shuttle launch looks like when viewed from the international space station.....Cool!

I was looking at the satellite loop and noticing the remnants of Hurricane Paul, moving over the Sierra Madres and on a course to pretty much screw up Little League games and any chance of a pleasant bicycle ride for the next day or two. (Just about timed to wash out the remaining long days of daylight savings time, in fact).
Anyway I caught myself pondering the name "Paul", and thinking back to when all Hurricanes were named after women. I do recall some debate when I was younger as to why storms were named after gals. The prevailing wisdom was that that was due to their unpredictable nature. I could as is sometimes the case, probably make another comparison or correlation or two and perpetuate my gutter fisherman reputation, but for once, I'll pass and avoid the hot and steamy or wet inferences....oops, too late.
But again, someone refresh my memory. Why did we start including mens' names for every other storm? Was it a concession we made during the women's liberation movement, or was is because some guys felt slighted and wanted to be like the girls? Frankly, I don't want to see a hurricane "Mike". Between Dana, Chris, Pat, Rene and so on, there should be plenty of unisex names that would have served both sides on that issue. Whatever......

I caught wind of a little news blurb recently that someone has now suggested naming earthquakes as well. I for one, would love to have a big crack in the planet named after me......

Hmm, what about new, previously undiscovered volcanoes??? Now there's one that would allow for some interesting possibilities. Done after the fact, names could certainly be chosen more appropriately to fit the severity and nature of the volcano. Use your imagination ...... the Oprah volcano, for one that continuously gets larger, then shrinks a bit, or maybe volcano Rush for a particularly noisy one full of hot air. How about one named Hillary that just rumbles and puffs up but does nothing, or one named Monica - that actually produces a lava flow.

I'd bet the idea of naming a blue norther or a blizzard has come to the mind of some of our neighbors to the north from time to time.....

Mutterings of a timetable for a phased withdrawal and an announcement that the term "stay the course" may be dropped by the Bush administration as a description of their position on a war policy that is about to cost a lot of them their jobs.

No chance that these minor hints at course deviations are coinciding with an election coming up in two weeks, is there? I see a case of them trying to convince us that they are not as stupid as they look and act.

Well that ploy will likely turn out to be just as lame as trying to convince me that it costs a third less to refine and distribute gasoline and diesel today than it did in July. I say when election day arrives, we should all treat it as we have the lower gas prices, and vote to fill 'er up with some new blood in those chairs up on Capitol Hill.

By the time the two of you (hi Mom and cousin Keshauwne in Jackson Hole) read this, one of the two main characters in the Enron debacle, should be appearing on YouTube and other local screens, in leg irons and cuffs, on his way to a reasonably lengthy and "no ****, so this is what happens when your name is NOT Bush and you lie to the public and steal the general population's money and their trust", time out.

I'm not holding my breath - yet. He and Kenny Boy may yet be well on their way to a "call of the wild" existence in the backwoods of Colorado........

More likely though, the cocky little self-righteous pr**** will show up for court during his 10AM -12:30PM "sober window" and take a final shot at taking control of the proceedings and his destiny" with a last ditch cock and bull story tailored to garner whatever lenient flicker of hope the judge might be hiding , or holding back for offer of a "retirement donation".......

All I can say, is if the sleazeball shows up, and the sentence is in line with the crime, I hope he was patted down in advance for the "behind enemy lines" cyanide pill he should be sceretly carrying, because that is his only hope of avoiding setting what will surely be a record for sentencing for a white collar crime, and likely another for the largest fine ever levied on a person.

Given what he stands to lose, and the fact that most certainly, he will not be granted an appeal bond, I tend to wonder if he'll show up. Let us, for entertainment's sake though, say he shows and asks for leniency. What would it take for a judge to go easy on him? Just a guess here, but I'm thinking that the old "I was molested by a family friend" as a child and tricked out of my allowance as a teen, while promising to go into rehab ruse, won't get off the ground with this judge. Maybe about two hundred million big ones in a suitcase, offered up to be divided among his victims would get his sentence down to the lower end of the double digit spectrum. Aside from that, I'd say the worm is done for. That is what those folks in sleeping bags who spent the night on the courthouse steps to get a seat at the sentencing are "banking" on, don't you imagine?

No spit Shock, but it's only logical. It was going to happen sooner or later...... http://seattlepi.nwsource.c... target='_blank'>This article in Seattlepi.com has all of the details that were not classified on the story.

I can't help but wonder what our recourse would have been, if another country, say China, Norway, or maybe the Great State of Texas had beaten the U.S. government to the claims office on this one......

Dead man walking, as it were. Or not? As with Elvis and Osama, and Sasquatch, I'm just waiting for the first story of a sighting........

What is the next major hand job holiday coming up? Don't say Halloween . That one's for real. We need a few more with the same spirit and frivolty. It's thanksgiving I'm talking about. here (see columbus day). So anyway, as hard as I rack my brain , trying to find a way to take a shot, cheap, can't miss, or a long shot, at the commander in chimp, in anticipation of the upcoming holiday, I have a little photographic example of his moves for you..........

The pick up line (note deadeye, there in the wings, wishing he had a shotgun):
A little sweet talkin' & heavy petting....
Come to papa....

Seem's to be workin' here....


Okay, here's what he had up his sleeve, folks...........

Happy motoring.......Get Kinky or get screwed and cooked. Get out and VOTE!

I feel like I was being one sided by publishing a photo of Bill Clinton in his element - happy go lucky and all smiles, Soooo, in the interest of fairness, HONESTY, and in providing equal coverage for the other party.......
The Truth

Tha Whole Truth


and nothing but the truth......

So help me God!

From the "wish I'd thought of that" files, a story in today's Chronicle tells of a Pennsylvania Republican congressional canditate's publicity stunt aimed at drawing attention to himself and to the border security issue. Seems he hired a circus elephant and a mariachi band and paraded them across the sandy mouth of the Rio Grande for a photo shoot. Raj Peter Bhakta really sounds like he stole a page out of Kinky's book for that one. I'm surprised the Dems didn't think of it first - with a burro, the *** ferry having been the transport method of choice down there for so many years.

My friend Pat, recently alluded to one of his favorite pasttimes, savoring a good cigar.

Never actually smoked even a puff of tobacco myself. Probably comes from years of being trapped in the confines of a '51 Buick as a kid, with two unfiltered Kents going up front. Same story with coffee. With that Seaport "Between Dark and Medium Roast" constantly permeating our house during my youth, it took until I was thirty years old, and deskbound for the first time in my life, to let a cute little co-worker I was extremely fond of, convince me to try the stuff.

The impact of the caffiene buzz produced an immediate "where have you been all my life" euphoria on the spot.

I bought a coffeemaker, stock in coffee beans, and a new set of coffee cups and a cup holder for my pickup on the way home from work that very day.
I drank coffee and stayed up all night calling all of my old friends and girlfriends, asking each of them if they had any inkling of an idea how absolutely far out coffee was.

I still drink coffee 26 years later, but have yet to try tobacco. Closest I ever came to smoking was when I didn't have a punk to light my cherry bombs, and had to use a cig. Still grosses me out thinking about trying to get the smell off my fingers.

Oh, there was the episode with the Laredo personal cigarette roller.......anyone remember those? The concept was to use this machine to roll perfectly normal looking homemade tobacco cigs, complete with a filter. All you had to do was buy a package of filters, bulk tobacco, and the paper sleeves - pre-glued and with a brown end for the filter. I'm guessing one or two folks got the paper in backwards and lit a filter or two. And likely there were a few with a sense of the bizarre who just rolled 'em backwards for the effect they got from everyone around them for lighting the "filter end".
My parents bought one and gave it up as too much work in about a week. Went back to the Kents or Pall Malls or whatever....
At any rate, I found the thing in the junk drawer a couple of years down the road. Hehe. I just packed the filter compartment AND the tobacco chamber with some special herbs I had acquired out on the bay in the course of running crews in and out to work on the water. (remember, this was years b4 the "whiz quiz" became a requirement for getting a job).

Let me tell you, all herbs are not created equal. One of those things lasted my buddy Phil and I, all the way from Bloomington to Bergstrom on the way to a Jethro Tull/Led Zepplin concert at Austin's old municipal auditorium on Town Lake. If it hadn't been for that lake and that cold water, I doubt we'd have have found that big building.........

Don't bother to fill your glass. I'm reasonably certain this will be a short one. Uh huh.

I'd be lying if I said I won't use this opportunity to pile on the already besieged idiot-in-Chief and his ship of fools and his Chevron exec turned foreign affairs expert, Sally Hen.....er, Condi Rice. If I thought for a second that the gang up there on capitol hill, honestly had the average joe American's best interest at heart in their policy making and war plans, as opposed to fattening the coffers of corporate America and the five per cent sitting on the top of their pile of ill gotten ****, I'd actually advocate giving the bastard a shot at learning on the job, and not ******* things up worse than they already are.

Well, listening to his pansy assed chest beating like a gorilla coming into puberty, with regards to the latest little flare-up over in Korea, I think it might be time to take a bit more of a realistic approach to the nuke issue.

Does anyone disagree that a nuclear WEAPONS free planet is the ONLY answer? That is, assuming that we would like to be assured of a continuous life and death cycle for the inhabitants of this planet, as it has always been, without having some moron push the button in a moment of religious fanatic passion and start a chain reaction that will render the Bible, Koran, Torah, Kama Sutra, Starbucks, cellphones, "Girls of the Southwest Conference" in Playboy, the Longhorns, apple pie, Cuban cigars, Jesse Jackson, Michael Jackson, Shoeless Joe Jackson, skinheads, both of the gay ninties(1890s and 1990s), John Glenn, John Wilks Booth, John Lennon, and John Lee Hooker, just so much cosmic confetti - as something that never happened - or did it? Or try this example. Look into the eyes of your child or parent or spouse. Imagine in a flash the flesh being burned off of that person as the both of you (and everything else)ceases to exist. That's final.

Yup, a while back I, cut of the Woodstock nation, peacenik fabric, asked here, "who are we to tell Iran they can't have nukes?" Same could be said for any nation who thinks joining the nuclear club is the thing to do.

The fact is, WE opened Pandora's box(zip it, guys). WE need to figure a way to close it and bury it forever, while there is still time. Those piddly little firecrackers we dropped on Nagasaki and Hiroshima, were farts in the public pool compared to the monster arsenal, that we and others still sit on, which are capable of shattering this biosphere we inhabit today.

I wish I had an answer.

Maybe the answer is to put North Korea and Iran on notice that the slightest ripple of doubt of their involvment in ANY further nuclear detonations will result in South Korea becoming the only "Korea", and a big glass quarry appearing in the sand where Persia once was.

Whatever the case, as long as nuclear weapons exist in the numbers they do at this moment, we are just the blink of an eye away from either finding out whether there is a god who is "The One", becoming dust in the cosmic wind, or splattered on H.G. Wells windscreen or the grille of Marty McFly's Delorean.......

Sleep tight kids - George is at the controls.....

Let's see, we celebrate the sailor who "found" a land mass which already was a flourishing place populated with red skinned natives. After pushing aside and punishing that population, we imported and enslaved another batch of yet darker natives from abroad to be our servants and our laborers. After domesticating the imported bunch and subsequently having to relinquish our "mastery" over them, rather than repatriate them, which would have likely have resulted in a far more advanced Africa today I might add, we opted to treat them like second class citizens for another century, before they selected a "King" and rebelled until common sense started to prevail and ever so slowly, their plight has begun(I repeat, BEGUN) to change for the better.

What I want to know, is why the natural and indigineous inhabitants of this land have only godforsaken pockets of desert land and a handful of casinos to show for their strife and virtual Hitler style extermination at our hands.

Would a Geronimo or Sitting Bull Day be too much to ask?

Well, I'm all over this one......The commercial I saw, was for "The Dump" this time. It could just as well have been for "the warm wet pile" - Mattress Mack, or any number of desperate automobile dealers, trying to find any remotely legal financing ploy to get their product out the door, legally consigned and financially indebted to a trinket hungry, pipe dream, brainwashed, gotta have it right this minute, forget the price, consumer base.

What can this type of financing or deferred payment scheme possibly contribute to the health of the buying public? Are there really people who will take delivery on a Lazy Boy, knowing their cat or dog will have ruined it before the first payment comes due? I can hear the conversation now: "Wanda Sue, you know that old recliner out in the back yard?" "Yeah, the one the goat sleeps in." "Well, we just got the payment coupon book from Gallery Furniture - reckon we oughta send 'em any money?"

Here's how I see the makeup of folks who will take advantage of this type of offer:
- illegals with fake I.D. and no intention of paying off the note
- low life deadbeats taking advantage of the "no credit check", with no intent to make even a single payment, (or to even still "own" the product in '09).

-folks who as a lot of us when we were young and lacking any credit, were better off with a "layaway" or payment program at Lacks, Hauschilds, or Madden's as a young "starter" consumer.


Bottom line here(I use that term a lot don't I?), is that when the smoke clears and the debts are called in, and they pay off at maybe ten cents on the dollar, someone has to pay - right? Guess who it is? Look at the interest rate on your credit card.

Whatever happened to pay as you go? Have we hocked our future to the point that those of us who can carry our own load, are going to have to finance the shysters' who cater to those who can't or won't?

The money guys are betting that that's the case, and that they will have us all by the balls at some point.

C'mon kids - help me populate this list. Surely between the recent rash of "duck and cover" episodes, and those not so recent, we can put together a nice long list of those of power or prominence who have been caught with the Playboy in one hand and you know what in the other, only to have their lawyer offer up some lame horseshit explanation, then run for Betty Ford and hide out for a while and pray that it blows over.
Let's see, there's Mel "the Catholic that only hates Jews when he's tanked" Gibson. Now, here comes Mark "take a Page out of history" Foley - same story - "it's the booze".

Sorry guys. It's you. The booze might help you to momentarily drive onto a sidewalk and kill a child, or maybe to log on to the company e-mail system from home at 11PM , three sheets in the wind, and send a career ending e-mail to the boss or that cute little receptionist that you just know wants you.

But no, the booze doesn't transform you into a bigot or a racist, or make you gay and hot for sixteen year old boys. It just exposes what you were attempting to conceal.

Then there's Ted "how was I to know she couldn't swim" Kennedy.

So for all of you lawmakers, celebrities, and yes, just regular Joes and Josephines sitting on the fence with a dirty little secret, waiting to cause harm to others as opposed to just yourself, I say "drink up" and be counted - rehab is for quitters.......

Alrighty then, I did say I'd follow up with a report on my sleep study for sleep apnea.

Let's just call this an interim report. I have done my first night and come away with what I'll call mixed results and a little bit of a question as to what happens next. For starters, as karma would have it, the beginning of my night in the barrel, coincided with the passage of the first real front of the fall, complete with wind, rain, and an awesome lightning display. Broke my heart to not be able to stand out in it and soak up the energy, but rather be sequestered in a darkened third floor clinic "bedroom". I'll get over it. As for the "sleep" study, they started by attaching about thirty electronic sensors to my head with a "glue"(more on that later), and putting a small O2 sensor in each nostril and between my lips to monitor breathing. Sounds like a real recipe for a great night's sleep, huh? Truth is, I apparently actually did doze off and awaken when my breathing stopped, several times over an hour or two, though the technician monitoring me (did I mention the video camera trained on my bed?)couldn't officially tell me that.

At any rate, after a couple hours, say around midnight, I was wide awake, staring out a third floor window of a dark, empty medical facility, watching it rain and lightning outside for the next five hours. Finally about 4:30, with my eyes floating and my legs crossed, I asked them to come and remove the Frankenstein contraption so I could pee and head home to get some sleep.

After the sensors were removed (remember the glue?) I headed for the bathroom, and was greeted with quite a sight. I'm going to paint a picture for you here......I have a beard, and dark hair, that hangs down my back and shoulders. Seems the "glue" they used to hold the electrodes to my scalp, while water soluble and biodegradable, was about the color of but considerably thicker than Ivory Liquid. No Marilyn Chambers, I did not say Ivory Snow...

So there I stood looking at myself through exhausted eyes in the mirror, looking I might add, at roughly 20-30 globs of this stuff matted in my hair. I swear to God, it looked like I had stood too close to the orgy scene being filmed for a porn flick and had incurred considerable "collateral damage" or taken a few rounds of "friendly fire". I am soooo glad I was alone. Needless to say, I didn't swing by Starbucks or Whataburger for breakfast on the way straight home to the shower.

Now for the fun part. I get to do it all over again - if they ever get back to me with the results from our first "date".

I suppose when this is done, if it gives me the desired results of better rest and a snoring free zone for the girl to sleep in at night, it will be worth it.......

Maybe next time, I'll take the digital camera in and get a pic of this ordeal - but don't count on it.

To be continued........