During the last six weeks it's not been possible to access eamils sent to my vicad address. My apologies to those of you who tried to contact Rusty that way.

The last time old Rusty rode his bicycle (about 6 weeks ago) he was wearing a pair of "carpenter shorts". This evening we arrived home and needed milk, bread, eggs and bananas to stock vital items for supper and breakfast.
All the above items were double bagged when they were looped over the handle bars. When the bike tipped over to the right Rusty nearly got his feet tangled up trying to save the milk and eggs.
Trying to get out of the way of a motorist trying to exit the parking lot, Rusty forgot about wearing a baggy bottomed pair of bib overalls. The floppy crotch got caught on the back of the seat Then he nearly turned the bike over. Fortunately, nobody seemed to notice his gymnastics before he got the bike headed home.

Ron Grunig sent us this one:
As a teacher, Ms. Jones, was very curious about how each of her
students celebrated Christmas. She called on young Patrick Murphy.
"Tell me Patrick what do you do at
Christmas time?" she asked.

Patrick addressed the class, "Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers
and sisters go to the midnight Mass and we sing hymns, then we come
home very late and we put
mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited
we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys."

"Very nice Patrick," she said. "Now Jimmy Brown what do you do at
Christmas?"
"Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to Church with Mum and Dad
and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and
milk by the chimney and we
hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to
bring our presents."

Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave
him out of the discussion, she asked, "Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"

Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year. Dad comes home from
the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce, and then we drive to his toy
factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves and begin
to sing 'What a Friend We Have in Jesus,' then we all go to the
Bahamas."

LOON mentioned being tired of the gloomy days and long sleeved flannel shirts. Here's what happened to Rusty.

Avisitin' ole Rusty did go, expectin' rain, cold and snow.

Insulated Carharts, long Johns and snow boots he did take,
Not one pair of shorts, big mistake.

Bib overalls were too hot inside, so long John bottoms were applied.They made Rusty's butt look big and wide. At least they cooled his sweaty hide.

When Rusty again avisitin' does go, Will take his shorts and it'll probably snow.

A news item the other day mentioned a prisoner somewhere couldn't use insanity to get off prosecution for killing a pedophile priest in prison.

Someone said, "They ought to declare open season on all those pedophile priests."


What do you say?

MOISES VELOZ had a blog about spinach and his aversion to it as a kid. When my brother was in Army boot camp he told that the cooks got on a "greens kick" and served them several days in a row. It seems the officers' table was right next to the chow line. One day an officer was really shovelin' in the greens when a G.I. pointed at them and asked, "What is that stuff, goose ****?" He was in the guard house in very short order. You know, in spite of my suspicions that it was him, I never asked my brother, "Just how long were you in that guard house?"

Have I previously posted this on any comments? JB mentioned to make sure we go pee before we view her army pix when she posts them.

Seems this lad from east Texas arrived home about a week after starting boot camp. His folks asked what he was doing home.

"Those people are crazy!! The first day they gave me a comb then cut all my hair off. The second day they gave me a tooth brush and pulled some of my teeth. When they handed me that jockey strap I wasn't stickin' around to see what they'd do next."

The mom of a relative is living with a guy in Oklahoma. They have a beach house down at South Padre. She's sunk well over $110,000.00 of her own money in the place plus the furniture and making payments. By his orders, everything is in HIS name regardless of what all she's contributed. Don't ask me where her brains are.

There's apparently no recognition of common law marriages in Oklahoma. It's MHO that in Texas SHE is rightly entitled to at least what percentage she's paid for if anything happens to him. Shouldn't she be entitled to half his assets held in Texas? Since they're currently LIVING in Oklahoma I suppose Okie law would determine how his assets would be divided there. How do you think she'd stand on their commonly bought property in Texas?

KELLI'S blog gave me this idea. I wonder how many of the thousands of southbound used vehicles being towed through Texas are covered by insurance. I wonder if they are ever stopped and checked out. What would happen to those which aren't covered? Would our politicos touch legislation for this?

What do you suggest about this?

Didn't get their permission to tell you this so will use the names Marc & Barbara. Marc was in some of my forestry classes and Barbara and knew each other about a year before we dated a few times. I told them my name when I called and asked if it would be convenient to drop by their place for a few minutes. When Marc open the door, "He asked, "Where should I know you from?" After telling them, they still didn't remember me (1966 was the last time we'd have seen each other). My reaction was, "Boy, I must have really made an impression on you." Was my face red? Maybe. In her defense she had some serious medical problems during school and strong medications had their effect on her. I'll hang my hat on that excuse.
They'd both retired from the U.S. Forest Service. We'd all three worked in places in Oregon, Idaho and Wyoming that we were familiar with. Now they are in demand helping with hurricanes and wildfires because of their experience. The showed me a beautiful quilt they'd had made from all their "fire t-shirts". They had four made that way.
What they were proudest of was their kitchen cabinets made of hickory. Hickory, because of it's beauty derived from all the various colors and grain patterns, was our first choice when we redid our kitchen. The cost was what deterred us.
They dug out old yearbooks and some of our conversation about other students, her dormmates, places and events seemed to kindle a spark of recognition. They were gracious and I enjoyed the evening.

Did you ever have such an experience?

My first job out of school was laying out timber sales of lodgeploe pine in order to stem the spread of mountain pine beetles on the Winema National Forest in Oregon. The beetles normally attack weakened trees and then spread to healthy trees. By removing the infested trees it is hoped the beetles won't be able to complete their life cycle and will die off.

Now a 21 million acre timber harvest in Canada has American mill owners afraid the extensive cutting will greatly reduce the prices American companies will be able to get for US grown timber and lumber. For a link:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/... target='_blank'>HERE

Tyler is two years old. Here's what he did this morning. His mama wrote: I decided to wash clothes and Tyler wanted to help me. He pushed a basket of dirty clothes to the door leading out to the garage. He wanted to come out to the garage but I wouldn't let him so he threw a fit. I shut the door leaving him in the house. After I threw the clothes in the washer I tried to open the kitchen door. That little booger had locked me out!!!
There I was in my panties and bra with no phone or clothes to put on to run to the neighbors to use their phone (Abe here: I wonder if anything in the washer would have covered her up for a few minutews even if they were wet?).
It got scary when I realized I'd locked my cell phone in our bedroom so Tyler wouldn't get it. I opened the doggie door and asked Tyler to find me a phone (which I doubted).
Luckily our kitchen cordless was in its base and he was able to reach it and was good enough to hand it to me soon enough. I called my mom to come rescue me. Then I remembered hooking the front door chain so she couldn't have been able to get in there. That meant she'd have to come in through the garage where I was standing in my scanties. I finally found an old shirt but the tail wasn't long enough to suit me so I'd just have to hide while the door was open.
My begging finally paid off and Tyler unlocked the door for me. I put on a nightgown before mom got there. I guess her constant admonitions to quit running around the house scantilly clad will be heeded from now on.
Our new baby was in the livingroom ready to howl any moment with only his two year old brother to watch him while mommy was locked out.
Wouldn't this situation have horrified you too?

Where do TV news reporters get their "dumb butt training"? Where do they learn to keep asking stupid, insensitive questions after a disaster? Shouldn't there be a statute of limitations for such stuff, like a maximum of two days?

Those media idiots interviewing the wife of the surviving WV coal miner made me want to take a dip of snuff. How long is it fair for them to hound someone asking such dumb butted questions? Some of the idiotic things they asked made her laugh like she was thinking, "How can you ask such a dumb question?"

READERS: What suggestions do you have for this stuff?

The news analysts on TV were second guessing the cops for shooting that deranged kid in Florida. Because he had pointed a realistic looking pellet gun at a cop, they want to fault the cops. Some of those nitwits are trying to say that the cops should have identified that it was a pellet gun.

That know-it-all reporter asked why they didn't shoot the kid in the leg or arm.What a stupid butt she is. Shooting the kid in the arm or leg wouldn't guarantee that he couldn't still kill someone had it been a real gun.

The kid had already threatened to blow up the school earlier. He'd also expressed the desire to commit suicide. He succeeded in getting the cops do it for him.

For cripes sake, law officers are tasked with protecting the public. We were taught not to draw our service weapon unless we were sure we HAD to use it to protect ourselves or others. We were taught to shoot to kill. That's the only way to do the job. Any time anyone points a weapon at another person they've already put their own life on the line.

When the dust settles, it'll probably shake out that someone, either the kid's parents, the school or the courts were at fault for not committing the kid to some place he could have gotten help.

Would I want to shoot anybody, especially a kid? NOT ON YOUR LIFE. But, I'd hate to have to live with the ghost of allowing others to be harmed because of my not taking the required action. PUT these media idiots asking all the dumb butted questions on the front line and let them be the ones the kids and crooks are pointing the guns at.

A 14 year old can kill you just as dead as an adult can.

READERS: What's your take on this?

Subject: Ireland delcares war on France
Date: Sat, 14 Jan 2006 18:04:55 +0000

Jacques Chirac, The French President, is sitting in his office when his
telephone rings.

"Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy
Down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringin to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is
myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!"
Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my
army waiting to move on my command."
"Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again.
"Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry
equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Chirac asks.
"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."

" Chirac sighs, amused; "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000
tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" says addy. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves
airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!"

Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must
tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites.
And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you
back." Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Chirac! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."

"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Chirac. "Why the sudden change of
heart?"

"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness,
and decided there is no flippin' way we can feed 200,000 FRENCH prisoners."

READERS: Did the Irish laddies do the right thing?

Here's a cute one from an email:
The Price

An Iowa farmer got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door. A young boy about 9 opened the door. "Is yer Dad home?" the farmer asked.

"No sir, he ain't," the boy replied. "He went into town."

"Well, said the farmer, is yer Mom here?"

"No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town with Dad."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"

"He went with Mom and Dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I can do fer ya?" the boy asked politely. "I knows where all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer Dad."

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to yer Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant."

The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about that", he finally conceded.
"If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $50 for the bull and $25
for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets for Howard."

How about the story where a 5 year old kid was served Long Island iced tea in a public restaurant? The linkhttp://www.local6.com/news/... target='_blank'>HERE

Mama ordered apple juice and didn't know what the kid was drinking until he became goofy.

What should be done to the establishment? To whoever mixed or served the drink?

Here's an interesting item. The link is http://www.local6.com/news/... target='_blank'>HERE

Would you want a book bound with human skin? Why or why not? What do you think of the practice? Do you think diseases could be transmitted from handling such books? It seems most of the original owners of such were doctors.

One exhibit at the National Cowboy & Western Heritage Museum showed pictures of Captain Jack and Wolf Head. They were leaders of the 500 Nez Perce, Palouse & Cayuse Indians during their 1876 revolts against the federal government for shoving them onto reservations much smaller than their original tribal lands. They fled Oregon, Washington, & Idaho into Canada. They were captured in Montana and were sent to the Indian Territory which eventually became Oklahoma.

The Indians were returned to the northwest in 1885 mostly due to the civil rights efforts of Chief Joseph and various Indian rights groups.

For more information about the museum contact http://www.nationalcowboymu... target='_blank'>HERE.

Our visit to the National Cowboy & Western Heritage Museum was made more enjoyable by docent "Aunt Fran" Reed, a long time family friend. (I always thought "docent" was something you put on trees and scrapes when hunting buck deer).

A ten year volunteer, Fran, in addition to pushing my mom's wheelchair all day, had a running commentary on various artists she's met through the years and some of their works and donations they've made to the museum. For example, John Wayne had a vast collec-tion of Kachinas he donated to the museum.

Fran's reason for taking for taking us was to show us the 15 foot high sculpture of the Canyon Princess by Gerald Balcair. From a 31 ton block of white Colorado yule marble, the female cougar exhibit now weighs eight tons. The estimated value of the work donated to the museum is one million dollars.

My overalls bib pockets are usually full: cell phone, computer glasses, many pens, notepads, phone number index, and today a brochure for the National Cowboy & Western Heritage Museum. Had an "emergency" stop in the museum when my bib fell on the floor in such a manner my pockets could empty onto the floor. The panic situation occurred when my left hand reached for the bib and my right hand tried to help maintain my balance against the stall door. The barely engaged door latch was knocked loose by my right hand causing me to satumble out into the room. PANIC!!!!

Loon's bit about pigs reminded me of this one.
One evening while taping my weekly outdoor radio show at LaPlace, LA. Able, the boss, suggested, "While you're at it call Captain Louie over at Pier One for a fishing report. Give 'im a little plug. He's my brother."

Captain Louie gave a rundown on what the successful anglers were using for bait. When he finished, he answered my question, "How about the fishermen, what do you have for them to eat."

Able left before the call to Pier One but was in the studio when the show aired. He was all ears to hear the Captain Louie segment. He nearly had a stroke when his brother told me the people food available. "We have pickled pigs feet, pickled pigs ears, and pickled pigs snout. How does it suit your fancy?"

"I don't know, my brother told me, "Never mess with a pig, 'cause they'll squeal on ya ever time."

Able erupted, "You s.o.b.s set that up, I know you did. I know you did." "No sir, it just came up at the right time."

When stopped in tall grass the other day at a logging site there was a concern about a catalytic converter igniting grass beneath a vehicle. An old logger of mine told me about his brother had a brand new pickup and a utility trailer. Not watching where he parked in a field of tall grass, he went to check on some timber. He returned to find the truck and trailer burned to the ground and the field on fire. With the high fire danger these days we need to remember this.

Have been hearing scary stories of grass, brush and home fires these past couple weeks close to homes of folks we know. People with evergreen trees within 30 feet of their homes or buildings have been advised to cut them down and drag them a safe distance away and anchor them so they won't blow around.

1. One time, at about the age of 4 years, I told some folks at the ball park (my dad was playing) my name was HENRY after a cartoon character. At another ball game a lady asked my mom, "How's Henry?" "Who's Henry?" "Your little boy."

2. I was about 9 when they accused me of trying to burn down the baseball park. All I did was light the grass around the outdoor toilets across the road from the ball park.

3. We used to catch lots of crawdads with a piece of fat meat or bacon rind on a string. We also caught mud puppies.

4. Throwing rocks and clods got me in trouble more than once.

5. My dad hit a homerun on a post and made a "shoot around a corner gun" (that wouldn't shoot)out of my BB gun for my shooting the window lights out of our next door neighbor's chicken house.

6. Someone called the cops on two of us for standing across the street from each other and acting like we were picking up the tar joint on the pavement. We'd bend over, straighten up, lean back and like we were really straining on an imaginary rope. Those weren't Prayers for the drivers were saying.

7. Laying a home made man sized dummy out in the street caused a ruckus or two.

8. Jerry Wright and I were tossing a football back and forth across the street. When grumpy old man Wilson from the next block drove by Jerry scipped the ball across the top of Wilson's gray 57 Chevy. Wilson, slammed on the brakes, backed up, stopped and told Jerry, "Look here you egg headed S.O.B. Don't you ever do that again."

9. When we "slept out" in someone's back yard in the summer time we'd wear dark clothes on our commando raids of the neighborhood.

10. We got our newspaper to deliver at ab out 4 a.m. Between houses I'd play my harmonica. A boxer dog came out like it was going to bite me one morning. He was "repelled" by a barage of rocks carried in my paper bag. Then the French Harp was cranked up again.

The next morning the scene was repeated. Every morning after that all it took was playing the harmonica to keep the dog back behind the hedge.

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting flies" he responded.
"Oh, killing any?" she inquired.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 females" he stated emphatically.
Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, and two were on the phone."

DO YOU BELIEVE THIS?