http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/AprillBrandon/7754 Well, I held it off as long as I could but now I just have to speak up. And considering this blog is dedicated to trends, I felt it was an appropriate format to talk about the trend of unmarried couples having the babies. It's no secret that over the past few decades, single parent households have increased (although not as much as you may think...according to the U.S. Census, single parent households were at about 9 percent from 1994 through 2006, up from 5 percent in 1970). Some attribute it to a decline of society or family values. Others say marriage isn't really relevant anymore and many people purposely choose not to get married. My thoughts? It's probably a combination of a lot of things. But while people will talk until they are blue in the face about the issues surrounding unwed mothers and fathers, little seems to be said from the ones this issue affects the most: the kids. I, myself, am the product of an unwed union. (Gasp!). My mother was 19, my father in his early 20s and nine months and one defective prophylactic later, here I am. Now granted, after they got the news, Daddio oh-so-romantically handed my mom a ring and said "You want it?" She said yes, but then decided to call the whole thing off because he happened to be an abusive drug user. Mom felt she could do a better job on her own, especially when she gave him the ultimatum of either stop the drugs and take care of your daughter or we walk. His response? Lighting up a joint. So we walked. She raised me by herself and you know what? I did not end up in jail, or using public assistance programs, or become pregnant as a teen, or abuse drugs, or get low grades, or whatever other number of issues that the statistics show about us poor little children of the unwed. Instead, I am a college-educated professional 26-year-old in a healthy relationship with a successful man (who is, if I do say so myself, wicked hot). My mother never once used a public assistance program, managed to get her college degree while I was a toddler and by the time I was 12, she had bought a big, two story house in the country all by her lonesome. And yet, even though my mother and I did fine with our little family of two, both of us still get "those" looks when people find out. You know what I'm talking about. That look that says my mother was a teenage tramp and I'm her juvie delinquent child. And I'm sure other single mothers or fathers and their kids get those looks. In fact, on a recent story Advocate reporter Bj Lewis did for Father's Day, people were giving those looks via the Internet on the discussion forum. They were shocked and appalled that the paper featured a brand new father who wasn't married to the mother. One poster even said that the child now has the odds stacked against him. To that I say, odds can be stacked against you only if you let them. I never felt odds were stacked against me. And if they were, I pushed them over and stepped daintily through them. A couple posters even said the story made them ill. And to that I say, I'm sorry that the way I happened to be raised makes you so sick, but you know what? It's better than if my mom had actually married my father. I'm pretty sure being raised by a junkie who had the potential to be violent would have given me many more issues as an adult than, God forbid, being raised by a single mother. Marriage does not necessarily good parents make. Anyone can reproduce and being legally married does not change who you are. If two people marry, why does that suddenly make them upstanding citizens and capable of being a parent, which from what I've heard, is the hardest job you'll ever have? Why do people think it is better for a child to be raised in a house where parents are always fighting, or hate each other, or end up divorced, rather than by a single parent? Now granted, the best case scenario is when two people who love each other have a child and raised it together. But this is far from a perfect world and those that are able to have that are very lucky. My mom wasn't so lucky but she did an incredible job raising me and she didn't need a ring on her finger to do so. And to all single parents out there and their kids, keep your heads up. Let them judge. Let them give "those" looks. They have no idea that what it really takes to raise a great kid is love, not a legal document. And to my own mother, thanks. Thanks for resisting the societal pressure to get married when you knew it was better for us to be on our own. Thanks for having the courage to walk away and endure all "those" looks. And thanks for passing on that strength to me.   Well, I held it off as long as I could but now I just have to speak up. And considering this blog is dedicated to trends, I felt it was an appropriate format to talk about the trend of unmarried couples having the babies. It's no secret that over the past few decades, single parent households have increased (although not as much as you may think...according to the U.S. Census, single parent households were at about 9 percent from 1994 through 2006, up from 5 percent in 1970). Some attribute it to a decline of society or family values. Others say marriage isn't really relevant anymore and many people purposely choose not to get married. My thoughts? It's probably a combination of a lot of things. But while people will talk until they are blue in the face about the issues surrounding unwed mothers and fathers, little seems to be said from the ones this issue affects the most: the kids. I, myself, am the product of an unwed union. (Gasp!). My mother was 19, my father in his early 20s and nine months and one defective prophylactic later, here I am. Now granted, after they got the news, Daddio oh-so-romantically handed my mom a ring and said "You want it?" She said yes, but then decided to call the whole thing off because he happened to be an abusive drug user. Mom felt she could do a better job on her own, especially when she gave him the ultimatum of either stop the drugs and take care of your daughter or we walk. His response? Lighting up a joint. So we walked. She raised me by herself and you know what? I did not end up in jail, or using public assistance programs, or become pregnant as a teen, or abuse drugs, or get low grades, or whatever other number of issues that the statistics show about us poor little children of the unwed. Instead, I am a college-educated professional 26-year-old in a healthy relationship with a successful man (who is, if I do say so myself, wicked hot). My mother never once used a public assistance program, managed to get her college degree while I was a toddler and by the time I was 12, she had bought a big, two story house in the country all by her lonesome. And yet, even though my mother and I did fine with our little family of two, both of us still get "those" looks when people find out. You know what I'm talking about. That look that says my mother was a teenage tramp and I'm her juvie delinquent child. And I'm sure other single mothers or fathers and their kids get those looks. In fact, on a recent story Advocate reporter Bj Lewis did for Father's Day, people were giving those looks via the Internet on the discussion forum. They were shocked and appalled that the paper featured a brand new father who wasn't married to the mother. One poster even said that the child now has the odds stacked against him. To that I say, odds can be stacked against you only if you let them. I never felt odds were stacked against me. And if they were, I pushed them over and stepped daintily through them. A couple posters even said the story made them ill. And to that I say, I'm sorry that the way I happened to be raised makes you so sick, but you know what? It's better than if my mom had actually married my father. I'm pretty sure being raised by a junkie who had the potential to be violent would have given me many more issues as an adult than, God forbid, being raised by a single mother. Marriage does not necessarily good parents make. Anyone can reproduce and being legally married does not change who you are. If two people marry, why does that suddenly make them upstanding citizens and capable of being a parent, which from what I've heard, is the hardest job you'll ever have? Why do people think it is better for a child to be raised in a house where parents are always fighting, or hate each other, or end up divorced, rather than by a single parent? Now granted, the best case scenario is when two people who love each other have a child and raised it together. But this is far from a perfect world and those that are able to have that are very lucky. My mom wasn't so lucky but she did an incredible job raising me and she didn't need a ring on her finger to do so. And to all single parents out there and their kids, keep your heads up. Let them judge. Let them give "those" looks. They have no idea that what it really takes to raise a great kid is love, not a legal document. And to my own mother, thanks. Thanks for resisting the societal pressure to get married when you knew it was better for us to be on our own. Thanks for having the courage to walk away and endure all "those" looks. And thanks for passing on that strength to me.   en-us Co-sign. I'd elaborate but I don't want to put all my stuff out there (have to save it for my autobiography and subsequent TV movie on Fox). http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/AprillBrandon/7754/#c_53929 http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/AprillBrandon/7754/#c_53929 Co-sign. I'd elaborate but I don't want to put all my stuff out there (have to save it for my autobiography and subsequent TV movie on Fox). Well said Aprill! I wish there was a NOTWORTHY emoticon available on this site :)   http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/AprillBrandon/7754/#c_53944 http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/AprillBrandon/7754/#c_53944 Well said Aprill! I wish there was a NOTWORTHY emoticon available on this site :)   April, allow me to join BJLewis and consigning your statement. We have wars, high gas prices, and the national debt. But yet we have people who would rather poke their heads in someone's else family life instead of foucing on our collective problems. http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/AprillBrandon/7754/#c_53966 http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/AprillBrandon/7754/#c_53966 April, allow me to join BJLewis and consigning your statement. We have wars, high gas prices, and the national debt. But yet we have people who would rather poke their heads in someone's else family life instead of foucing on our collective problems. You go girl, and keep being a great role model to those who need one.  I came from a two parent family and trust me, we were pretty dysfunctional.  IT happens and no one has an exclusive on either kind of family http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/AprillBrandon/7754/#c_53989 http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/AprillBrandon/7754/#c_53989 You go girl, and keep being a great role model to those who need one.  I came from a two parent family and trust me, we were pretty dysfunctional.  IT happens and no one has an exclusive on either kind of family Congrats to your mother, April. She faced the most important job of her life alone, and did a very nice job. She could be a role model for many. What makes some people ill is that not many are as noble and strong as your mother, and their children will be negleted and left to the state. Check the adoption agency/CPS department for statistics. Some chose a "tough row to hoe" and can't rise to the ocassion. Glad to hear your Mom could. http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/AprillBrandon/7754/#c_54004 http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/AprillBrandon/7754/#c_54004 Congrats to your mother, April. She faced the most important job of her life alone, and did a very nice job. She could be a role model for many. What makes some people ill is that not many are as noble and strong as your mother, and their children will be negleted and left to the state. Check the adoption agency/CPS department for statistics. Some chose a "tough row to hoe" and can't rise to the ocassion. Glad to hear your Mom could. I must agree with you, not just because I am a single mother, but because I am a damn good one! My choice was not to get married to the man whom accidentally got me pregnant, ( whom also happened to be a liar, a womanizer, and abusive to top it all off) but to stay alone and raise my kids better than I was raised. My mother made her choice to marry my father so she could get out the house. Now that was a very dysfunctional family. Drugs, abuse, wonderful stuff, Not that I didn't have issues, but I still managed to be pretty well rounded not a street wanderer, gang member, drug user, etc.... I have been raising my children alone for quite a while now. My eldest is 6, now I have to say I did pretty well with my circumstances. She is very intelligent, and understands her situation and why I did what I did. And she is okay with it. She has seen other kids at her school who have both parents and are worse off. This past Sunday was a great moment when she actually came out and said, "Mommy thank you for doing the job of mommy and daddy, I Love You!" Now I personally wouldn't trade that moment for a freaking ring!!!!! Being married doesn't mean that you are worthy to have children! Nor does the fact that you are not married mean you are in any way shape or form unworthy to have children. So get over yourself, stop being ignorant, closed minded and down right archaic! What would you tell your children should they be in the same situation? Force them to get married? You have to remember that everyone has a story and whether you are married or not should not be a factor in you being a parent. Who you are is not determined solely on whether you were raised by one parent or two.... How many two parent households create murders, rapists, drug dealers, or worse? How many abused children are in two parent households? How many children have ended up in the system because of their two parent home? Heck worse things happen, too many for me to mention, or things I will get in trouble for saying. But there are a few married parents that have been on the news for not being the world's greatest parents.  Look, in this world you have to be open to all kinds of things, and this is the dumbest thing for you to be focusing your energy on. Do you chastise people just because you think you are the know all, judge all? Who the heck do you think you are? Last time I checked the same book you pull that ," you should not have children out of wedlock" stuff from also states a few things about judging other people!!!!! It was a story about new fathers, what right do you have to say who can be included in that story? Who gives a dang if  they  were married or not? That does not make him any less of a father than someone who is married! Please find something better to do with your time and energy, try focusing it on something that helps the economy! Besides that Bj is an awesome journalist. http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/AprillBrandon/7754/#c_54006 http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/AprillBrandon/7754/#c_54006 I must agree with you, not just because I am a single mother, but because I am a damn good one! My choice was not to get married to the man whom accidentally got me pregnant, ( whom also happened to be a liar, a womanizer, and abusive to top it all off) but to stay alone and raise my kids better than I was raised. My mother made her choice to marry my father so she could get out the house. Now that was a very dysfunctional family. Drugs, abuse, wonderful stuff, Not that I didn't have issues, but I still managed to be pretty well rounded not a street wanderer, gang member, drug user, etc.... I have been raising my children alone for quite a while now. My eldest is 6, now I have to say I did pretty well with my circumstances. She is very intelligent, and understands her situation and why I did what I did. And she is okay with it. She has seen other kids at her school who have both parents and are worse off. This past Sunday was a great moment when she actually came out and said, "Mommy thank you for doing the job of mommy and daddy, I Love You!" Now I personally wouldn't trade that moment for a freaking ring!!!!! Being married doesn't mean that you are worthy to have children! Nor does the fact that you are not married mean you are in any way shape or form unworthy to have children. So get over yourself, stop being ignorant, closed minded and down right archaic! What would you tell your children should they be in the same situation? Force them to get married? You have to remember that everyone has a story and whether you are married or not should not be a factor in you being a parent. Who you are is not determined solely on whether you were raised by one parent or two.... How many two parent households create murders, rapists, drug dealers, or worse? How many abused children are in two parent households? How many children have ended up in the system because of their two parent home? Heck worse things happen, too many for me to mention, or things I will get in trouble for saying. But there are a few married parents that have been on the news for not being the world's greatest parents.  Look, in this world you have to be open to all kinds of things, and this is the dumbest thing for you to be focusing your energy on. Do you chastise people just because you think you are the know all, judge all? Who the heck do you think you are? Last time I checked the same book you pull that ," you should not have children out of wedlock" stuff from also states a few things about judging other people!!!!! It was a story about new fathers, what right do you have to say who can be included in that story? Who gives a dang if  they  were married or not? That does not make him any less of a father than someone who is married! Please find something better to do with your time and energy, try focusing it on something that helps the economy! Besides that Bj is an awesome journalist. OK, overlooking theawesomeonesgirl's bias for a certain Mr. Lewis, I agree with what she said. People in this town make me sick. They're quick to judge me or you for raising our kids alone, but will defend Billy Bob and his wife to the death even though they are verbally and physically abusive to their kids. Reminds me of the other day at H-E-B. I had my daughter and my 4-year-old niece and nephew with me. We're walking through the store, getting what we need when we come across a girl I went to high school with. She gave me that "look" and I just smiled and asked how she was doing and how her parents were. I introduced the kids and she said that her husband and kids [emphasis on the husband] were in the store somewhere. A min or so goes by and here comes the husband, kids in tow. It was all I could do not to laugh. Her kids were filthy and her husband looked like he wanted to strangle them. He says "Get your damn kids" and glares at her. Ah, karma. Here I was with clean and well-behaved kids and she had mongrels. Now, don't get me wrong, the twins do misbehave and my daughter is not a perfect kid, but at that moment, anyone who came in contact with that situation would NOT have guessed that my former classmate was the one with the two-parent, supposedly better family. Hehehe. I love it when stuff like that happens and blows holes in all these theories people have about what's best for a child. What's best for my child is for me to love her and to do the best job I can making sure she's a productive member of society. Husband or no husband. BTW, Aprill, I've met your mom and I hope that I do have as good a job as she did with you. http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/AprillBrandon/7754/#c_54077 http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/AprillBrandon/7754/#c_54077 OK, overlooking theawesomeonesgirl's bias for a certain Mr. Lewis, I agree with what she said. People in this town make me sick. They're quick to judge me or you for raising our kids alone, but will defend Billy Bob and his wife to the death even though they are verbally and physically abusive to their kids. Reminds me of the other day at H-E-B. I had my daughter and my 4-year-old niece and nephew with me. We're walking through the store, getting what we need when we come across a girl I went to high school with. She gave me that "look" and I just smiled and asked how she was doing and how her parents were. I introduced the kids and she said that her husband and kids [emphasis on the husband] were in the store somewhere. A min or so goes by and here comes the husband, kids in tow. It was all I could do not to laugh. Her kids were filthy and her husband looked like he wanted to strangle them. He says "Get your damn kids" and glares at her. Ah, karma. Here I was with clean and well-behaved kids and she had mongrels. Now, don't get me wrong, the twins do misbehave and my daughter is not a perfect kid, but at that moment, anyone who came in contact with that situation would NOT have guessed that my former classmate was the one with the two-parent, supposedly better family. Hehehe. I love it when stuff like that happens and blows holes in all these theories people have about what's best for a child. What's best for my child is for me to love her and to do the best job I can making sure she's a productive member of society. Husband or no husband. BTW, Aprill, I've met your mom and I hope that I do have as good a job as she did with you. Way to go Aprill, I'm proud of you and your Mother........BarBara http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/AprillBrandon/7754/#c_54197 http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/AprillBrandon/7754/#c_54197 Way to go Aprill, I'm proud of you and your Mother........BarBara