No noose is good noose - ArchStanton's Blog - Victoria Advocate http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/ArchStanton Stuff that pops in my head. On occasion, stuff that doesn't pop into my head. And lots of information about Slayer. Stuff that pops in my head. On occasion, stuff that doesn't pop into my head. And lots of information about Slayer. en-us Republicans aren't funny people http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/ArchStanton/9229 http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/ArchStanton/9229 &nbsp; I've come to the conclusion that I don't dislike most Republicans for having different points of view and/or haircuts.&nbsp; It's because they aren't very witty.&nbsp; Their negative jokes toward Biden and Obama just aren't very creative.&nbsp; <br /> &nbsp; Granted, they aren't given a lot to work with.&nbsp; After all, we liberals were graced with the main opposition being a guy that crashed three jets, yet calls himself &quot;Maverick.&quot;&nbsp; I mean, come on, that's just hilarious.&nbsp; Not to mention that he ditched his paraplegic wife to marry a beer baroness.&nbsp; Then Palin ... where to start there ... there's just too many.<br /> &nbsp; McCain was actually kind of funny (at least his writers were) along with Obama (also his writers) at the charity fundraiser the other night.&nbsp; It was kind of odd to see two guys who almost knifed each other in front of Bob Schieffer cracking jokes about one another.&nbsp; But clearly, McCain <em>voters</em> didn't write his jokes.<br /> &nbsp; I've decided to ignore some of the more colorful Republican supporter catchphrases, such as &quot;Keep the N---er out,&quot; and stick with three popular jokes some Republicans choose to repeat:<br /> <br /> &nbsp; <strong>Calling him &quot;Barack Hussein Obama&quot; </strong>- That's right everyone ... his middle name is the same as the last name of the guy with the moustache that we hanged a while ago.&nbsp; As a result, he's automatically evil.&nbsp; <br /> &nbsp; Honestly, in history's &quot;Legion of Doom,&quot; Hussein ranks pretty low, somewhere between Nikita Khrushchev and Count Chocola.&nbsp; Maybe if his name was &quot;Barack Hitler Obama&quot; we'd have something.&nbsp; I mean, Saddam Hussein's evilness was overshadowed by his son's (that reminds me of someone else for some reason).&nbsp; Plus, after seeing Hussein with a Santa beard or eating cheetos in his tightie whities, it's kind of hard to think of him in a &quot;Death to America&quot; sort of way.&nbsp; <br /> &nbsp; I see him in a &quot;More Fruit of the Loom or it's your doom!&quot; kind of way.<br /> &nbsp; And when it comes to middle names and terrorism, are we forgetting John <strong>Walker</strong> Lindh, the American Al Caeda?&nbsp; <em><strong><br /> &nbsp; Walker</strong></em>.&nbsp; <br /> &nbsp; You know ... what the <em>dubya</em> stands for in our current president's name.&nbsp; <br /> &nbsp; Oooooo ... scary.<br /> &nbsp; Besides, McCain's middle name is Sidney.&nbsp; That's a wussy name.&nbsp; <br /> &nbsp; Unless your other name is Mr. Tibbs.<br /> <br /> &nbsp; <strong>Anagrams are fun</strong> - Another popular joke (or <em>scaaarrrry</em> prediction) is that when you put &quot;Obama&quot; and &quot;Biden&quot; together, you can spell &quot;Osama Bin Laden.&quot;&nbsp; <br /> &nbsp; Sort of.&nbsp; <br /> &nbsp; You kind of have to add some letters.&nbsp; <br /> &nbsp; As well as subtract some letters.&nbsp; <br /> &nbsp; Either way ... <strong>HE'S A TERRORIST DUE TO SPELLING THINGS</strong>.<br /> &nbsp; Before you call Homeland Security, here's some words that you can spell using letters from &quot;Sarah Palin&quot; and &quot;John McCain:&quot;<br /> <ul> <li>&nbsp; Saccharin Lamp</li> <li>&nbsp; Charcoal Ham</li> <li>&nbsp; Anarchism Clap</li> <li>&nbsp; Ashcan Roach</li> <li>&nbsp; Maniac Ranch</li> </ul> &nbsp; Ohhh ... <em>ashcan roach</em>, eh?&nbsp; Well, I guess Mr. McCain should admit to his past <strong>MARIJUANA USE</strong>.&nbsp; Not to mention his love of faux-sugar light sources and his ranch full of the mentally disturbed.<br /> &nbsp; And I think I'll name my band &quot;Anarchism Clap.&quot;<br /> <br /> &nbsp; <strong>Saying &quot;Nobama&quot; instead of Obama</strong> - I would have really liked to have been around the day the first guy discovered that joke.&nbsp; <br /> &nbsp; &quot;Yeah, well I'd rather not vote for Obama ... wait ... Not Obama ... Nobama ...&quot;<br /> &nbsp; Adding one letter to a word is a great way to make a point.&nbsp; If they said &quot;<strong>BarNOT NOssein NObama</strong>&quot; the redundancy might make it slightly funnier.&nbsp; Maybe.<br /> &nbsp; I prefer to Democrat response of &quot;No FcCain Way.&quot;<br /> <br /> &nbsp; Now of course, I do realize that some of these statements aren't technically jokes.&nbsp; There are some conservatives out there who think that because his middle name is Hussein and because Obama and Osama sound so similar, that he actually is a terrorist.&nbsp; That point of view actually <em>is</em> funny and I applaud those right-wingers for making me laugh.&nbsp; Hooray for paranoia and racism!<br /> <br /> Writer's Note: I didn't proofread this due to being on my way out the door to see <em>W.</em>&nbsp; Now <em>that's</em> comedy!


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Caption: This is funny
Credit: ArchStanton


Title: anewhope.png
Caption: This is funny
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Caption: This is also funny
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Caption: This is also funny
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Caption: This too is funny
Credit: ArchStanton


Title: s31qtf.jpg
Caption: This too is funny
Credit: ArchStanton


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Caption: This is very very funny (thanks Larry Flynt)
Credit: ArchStanton


Title: gallery_enlarged-1012_lisa_ann_palin_03.jpg
Caption: This is very very funny (thanks Larry Flynt)
Credit: ArchStanton

 anewhope.png This is funny ArchStanton n1104492_32475048_488.jpg This is also funny ArchStanton s31qtf.jpg This too is funny ArchStanton gallery_enlarged-1012_lisa_ann_palin_03.jpg This is very very funny (thanks Larry Flynt) ArchStanton Hey Joe, where you goin' with that plunger in your hand http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/ArchStanton/9228 http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/ArchStanton/9228 &nbsp; I was bored and found the &quot;Joe the Plumber&quot; tale so interesting, I figured I'd be nice and provide to you fun facts about the actual dude that I read in various news reports.<br /> &nbsp; <strong>He's not really a plumber</strong> - Joe doesn't have a plumber's license and isn't registered as a plumber in Ohio.&nbsp; I am unaware on whether or not he wears his jeans at the proper, crack-exposing level, however.<br /> &nbsp; <strong>His name isn't even Joe</strong> - His name is Samuel J. <u>Wurzelbacher</u>.&nbsp; Joe is his middle name.<br /> &nbsp; <strong>Technically, it's not his middle name</strong> - It's actually &quot;Joseph.&quot;<br /> &nbsp; <strong>But hey, names are hard</strong> - Joe is registered to vote in Lucas County under the name Samuel Joseph <u>Worzelbacher</u>.&nbsp; He has yet to correct the misspelling on his registration card.&nbsp; And speaking of voting ...<br /> &nbsp;<strong> He's not an undecided voter either</strong> - He voted Republican in the March primary.&nbsp; Then again, a lot of rich plumbing barons vote Republican because Obama has a scaaaarrrrrry tax plan, but ...<br /> &nbsp; <strong>He only makes $40,000</strong> - He would receive a larger tax cut under Obama's plan.&nbsp; Almost 95 percent of 21.5 million owners of small businesses who file as sole proprietors had receipts under $100,000 in 2007.&nbsp; Another 4 million businesses organize as Subchapter S&quot; corporations; less than 5 percent of them earn more than $200,000.&nbsp; So unless he unclogs every toilet in Ohio, it'd be hard to reach that $280,000 mark where he'd get taxed more. However, that's really not a concern to Joe as ...<br /> &nbsp; <strong>He apparently doesn't even pay his taxes</strong> - Joe hasn't paid the taxes he already owes according to the state of Ohio, which placed a tax lien against him for $1,182. A second judgment against him was filed by a hospital for $1,261.<br /> &nbsp; <strong>The moral of the story</strong> - Like pretty much every other aspect of McCain's campaign, Joe the Plumber was made-up too.<br /> <br /> <em>Sources: http://www.guardian.co.uk, http://www.bloomberg.com, http://www.cbsnews.com</em>


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Caption: Actually a plumber
Credit: ArchStanton


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Caption: Actually a plumber
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 _42222218_gall_mario.jpg Actually a plumber ArchStanton I officially take back everything bad I said about Sarah Palin http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/ArchStanton/9013 http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/ArchStanton/9013 &nbsp; The attached YouTube video totally cancels out her terrible interviews.&nbsp; She is clearly qualified to be our vice president and I was wrong.<br /> <br /> &nbsp; And seriously, the dude playing that trumpet should be made Secretary of State.


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Caption: Yeahhhhhh ....
Credit: ArchStanton


Title: gopticket.jpg
Caption: Yeahhhhhh ....
Credit: ArchStanton

 gopticket.jpg Yeahhhhhh .... ArchStanton Biden vs. Palin: The Moose Burger-Eatin' Hockey Mom Is Gonna Lose http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/ArchStanton/8987 http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/ArchStanton/8987 &nbsp; I'm way more excited about the upcoming vice presidential debate than I was about seeing Barack Obama face off against John McCain.&nbsp; While John Boy may have put off the impression he wasn't prepared with that whole &quot;brb, g2g fix economy&quot; thing, he seemed to have most of his notes in order.&nbsp; And even though Barry had been a little stuttering in previous debates, he held his own and kept up his fact checking.<br /> &nbsp; With those two, you kind of knew what you were in for.&nbsp; While I'm an Obama supporter, I have to give McCain some respect.&nbsp; Cause, seriously ... George W. Bush, man.&nbsp; Remember those debates?&nbsp; <br /> &nbsp; The guy said &quot;Internets.&quot;&nbsp; That should be enough for you.<br /> &nbsp; I think the Palin/Biden debate will be similar to the epic battle between Mike Tyson and a tomato can.&nbsp; And I mean a literal tomato can.&nbsp; Not a crappy fighter, but an actual empty can of tomatoes.<br /> &nbsp; Granted, Biden has made his share of public gaffes.&nbsp; And he's obviously not one who &quot;studies up&quot; before anything if his subpar educational history is any indication.&nbsp; But I'm actually starting to think that Palin may have eaten too many moose burgers.<br /> &nbsp; And that moose meat contains some chemical which makes a person functionally retarded.<br /> &nbsp; I started to worry when I saw her kids' names.&nbsp; Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Trig.&nbsp; Read that again ... Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, Trig.&nbsp; Well, at least there's a chance one of her kids will save Elora Danan from the evil Queen Bavmorda and bring pride to the Nelwyn people, so that's cool.<br /> &nbsp; Republicans seemed to think she did a great job at the convention.&nbsp; I'll give her credit: she did speak coherent English and she was able to stand up without falling down.&nbsp; So that's pretty good.<br /> &nbsp; The Charlie Gibson and Katie Couric interviews, though.&nbsp; Man...&nbsp; The hockey mom sure let quite a few slip past the goalie there (Note: For more on things &quot;slipping past the goalie,&quot; see daughter Bristol).&nbsp; In terms of political interviewers, Gibson and Couric are definitely slow-pitch softball.&nbsp; The fact that Palin came off as brain-damaged while talking to those two sends up a warning flag.&nbsp; <br /> &nbsp; Palin has a background in broadcast journalism.&nbsp; Katie Couric doesn't even have that (she was an English major).&nbsp; Palin actually <em>was</em> a reporter.&nbsp; I know when I was in journalism school, they taught us all sorts of neat reporting tips and tricks.&nbsp; Palin should function as an insider.&nbsp; &quot;You won't fool me, Katie.&quot;&nbsp; But then she bases her entire foreign policy background on the fact that she lives near Russia and comes off as having no clue about her running mate's economic policies.&nbsp; <br /> &nbsp; Come on, you can do better.&nbsp; I mean, they've always had interview portions in beauty pageants, right?&nbsp; When in doubt, <em>always</em> go with world peace, Sarah.<br /> &nbsp; Since it's 2 a.m. and I'm feeling lazy, I'm just going to leave on that note.&nbsp; It's a weak argument (She's dumb cause her kids names are dumb and her interview was bad), but I think Biden is going to school her, Scranton style.<br /> &nbsp; We'll see what happens Thursday, I guess.<br /> <br /> &nbsp; Writer's Note:&nbsp; I decided against using the following headlines ...<br /> &nbsp; &quot;Biden vs. Palin: Who Will Be The Master Debater?&quot;<br /> &nbsp; &quot;Biden vs. Palin: Will The Woman End Up On Top?&quot;


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Caption: I made this a week or so ago and yes, this entire blog is just an excuse to show it off.
Credit: ArchStanton


Title: knockedupflat copy.jpg
Caption: I made this a week or so ago and yes, this entire blog is just an excuse to show it off.
Credit: ArchStanton

 knockedupflat copy.jpg I made this a week or so ago and yes, this entire blog is just an excuse to show it off. ArchStanton Drinking with FEMA: Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love Hurricanes http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/ArchStanton/8813 http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/ArchStanton/8813 &nbsp; Sitting in Desire Oyster Bar on my final day in New Orleans last week, most patrons were less focused on Hurricane Ike's coordinates and more excited that their Saints had won the opening day game.&nbsp; Only an hour earlier, I heard a stadium full of people boo the large screen in the Superdome when the weather woman mentioned Gustav.&nbsp; That hurricane had wasted a lot of people's time in a city that is still drying out memories of Katrina.<br /> &nbsp; I just spent a weekend on the company dime boozing it up and gambling away my student loan.&nbsp; I did my part to revitalize the New Orleans economy losing at black jack in Harrah's.&nbsp; I probably paid for a bridge in Louisiana or at least some under privileged kid's college education thanks to getting eight straight twelves against a dealer with a face card.<br /> &nbsp; New Orleans had dodged a bullet.&nbsp; The experience was surreal.&nbsp; There seemed to be more National Guard with actual grenades around than drunks with Tropical Isle Hand Grenades.&nbsp; You felt safer than is typical on Bourbon Street.&nbsp; There was something appealing about that post-apocalyptic environment.&nbsp; Learning there's a 2 A.M. city-wide curfew after drunkenly stumbling out of a bar at 3:30 isn't such a nice feeling, but the police seemed OK with it.&nbsp; I think they were just happy to see Texans wasting money.<br /> &nbsp; A weirder situation, however, was learning that there was no concert or celebrity party that weekend.&nbsp; I kept seeing all these people stumbling about, drinks in hand, with what I assumed was a backstage pass hanging around their necks.&nbsp; After seeing around ten or twenty people with these badges, I finally asked a guy where he got the pass and what it was for.&nbsp; My assumption was maybe he was a VIP at Larry Flynt's Hustler Club.&nbsp; Upon closer inspection, it was an official FEMA badge.&nbsp; It wasn't some hilarious fake badge either (like FBI meaning &quot;Female Body Inspector), they were real FEMA badges.&nbsp; Every drunk I saw with a badge was there in an official capacity.&nbsp; That kind of explained why ice was sent to Maine after Katrina.<br /> &nbsp; Fast forward back to the Oyster Bar last weekend, I leaned over to ask a waitress clearing a nearby table what she thought about Ike.&nbsp; &quot;Pfft, it's not our concern,&quot; she said.&nbsp; &quot;Dat things going to hit Houston.&quot;&nbsp; After revealing my residency in the doomed city, I asked if I could come stay with her next weekend.&nbsp; &quot;Sure,&quot; she laughed. &quot;We still owe you guys for f---ing up your city.&quot;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; <br /> &nbsp; When Sept. 11 finally rolled around, it became apparent that the waitress was right.&nbsp; Ike wasn't aiming for New Orleans or Brownsville or Victoria, it was headed straight for me.&nbsp; Having forgotten to get that waitress's number, I decided to ride the storm out.&nbsp; I remembered the broken fence after Claudette and the hassle of leaving Victoria before Rita.&nbsp; I'd be fine.&nbsp; I had clearly not used up any of my luck at the casino the prior weekend, so Ike wouldn't hurt me.<br /> &nbsp; I already had water, batteries and other hurricane supplies for when it seemed like Gustav might hit Houston.&nbsp; So, like most Houstonians, I bought a bunch of ammo and beer.<br /> &nbsp; When Ike finally showed up in my area around midnight, I had already had a few of the previously mentioned beers.&nbsp; I figured it would be fun to take a drink every time a reporter on the news said &quot;hunker down,&quot; &quot;certain death,&quot; or someone interviewed made a Tina Turner reference.&nbsp; The fact that I hadn't died of alcohol poisoning by the time the transformer blew and knocked out the power is a miracle.&nbsp; The way I saw it, the FEMA workers were probably still hungover from their Gustav partying, so why shouldn't I be when they came to rescue me?<br /> &nbsp; The experience was exciting, however.&nbsp; I sat through my first hurricane. In the dark For ten hours. My only company being the radio coverage of the storm.<br /> &nbsp; In what my father called a &quot;Texas A&amp;M hurricane evacuation,&quot; I left Houston after the storm.&nbsp; Staying with your parents for a few days is better than sitting in an apartment with no AC and no lights.&nbsp; <br /> &nbsp; Slightly better ... <br /> &nbsp; I really should have gotten that waitress's number ...


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Caption: Houston shortly after Hurricane Ike.
Credit: ArchStanton


Title: 209-The-Little-Mermaid.jpg
Caption: Houston shortly after Hurricane Ike.
Credit: ArchStanton

 209-The-Little-Mermaid.jpg Houston shortly after Hurricane Ike. ArchStanton Why playing Grand Theft Auto IV is good for kids http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/ArchStanton/7564 http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/ArchStanton/7564 <strong>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; SPOILER ALERT: If you intend to play GTA IV and don't want to know plot devices of the game, stop reading now and go watch <em>Sabrina: The Teenage Witch</em> or something</strong>.<br /> <br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Ever since the third game in the Grand Theft Auto series was released, various people have commented on how the game is a bad influence on children.&nbsp; Having recently beat the game myself, I figured I would take the effort to show the positive aspects of the latest GTA game, Grand Theft Auto IV.<br /> <br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; <strong>GTA IV teaches kids about immigration:&nbsp;</strong> While <em>Dora the Explora</em> has served to instill some culture values in today's youth, it comes no where close to the lessons learned from the game's main character, Niko Bellic.&nbsp; Bellic, a recent arrival from Yugoslavia, finds his new home in Liberty City, USA to be a strange place.&nbsp; He has trouble fitting in, whether it be wearing the wrong clothing or communicating with the natives.&nbsp; Bellic is running away from his past and attempting a new life in America.&nbsp; He wants to be part of the American dream, but sadly, experiences more of the American nightmare.&nbsp; He is discriminated against and must accomplish his goals with little help.&nbsp; I think if GTA IV had come out 20 years ago, there'd be no Minutemen or plans for border walls.&nbsp; Instead, adults would understand the struggles of immigrants and be less apt to claim they're stealing our jobs or trying to trick us into becoming bilingual.&nbsp; <br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; <strong>GTA IV teaches family values:</strong>&nbsp; Prior to his arrival in Liberty City, Bellic's cousin Roman has established a living running a cab company.&nbsp; Niko loves his cousin, and despite Roman's gambling problem, will do anything to help his kin.&nbsp; Roman also loves his cousin Niko and gives him free cab rides whenever needed.&nbsp; This shows the importance of blood ties to kids and how a family working together can help build nothing into something.&nbsp; It's just like <em>Swiss Family Robinson</em>, only with Russian mobsters and Jamaican weed dealers.&nbsp; Additionally, Niko keeps in contact with his mother through e-mail, which shows the importance of parents in a young man's life, just like Exodus 20:12.<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; <strong>GTA IV teaches the importance of friendship:&nbsp; </strong>Niko meets many people during his stay in Liberty City.&nbsp; When these associations are cultivated, his new friends will offer Niko various services.&nbsp; The lesson learned here is that being nice to people can result in generosity in others, such as free helicopter rides or cheap AK-47 purchases.&nbsp; Also, Niko promotes diversity in friendship, as his pals come from various races and walks of life.&nbsp; Niko Bellic is not a racist and your kids shouldn't be either.<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; <strong>GTA IV is anti-drug:&nbsp;</strong> While one character smokes copious amounts of pot and another routinely injects steroids, Niko does not partake in drug use.&nbsp; On numerous occasions, Niko is offered cocaine and weed, yet always abstains.&nbsp; If that's not living up to Nancy Reagan's &quot;Just Say No&quot; campaign, I don't know what is.&nbsp; Furthermore, Niko interacts with many junkies who later exclaim how they've cleaned up their lives.&nbsp; Further still, Niko and his cousin criticize those who choose to use drugs.<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; <strong>GTA IV is anti-drunk driving:&nbsp;</strong> Most of the press about the game involved MADD's disapproval of a drunk driving simulation that results when Niko parties a bit too hard.&nbsp; MADD seemingly ignored, however, that the game doesn't promote drunk driving at all.&nbsp; When you drunk drive in the game, as in real life, the police will arrest you.&nbsp; When the police arrest you, you go to jail.&nbsp; That's pretty simple, I think.&nbsp; Way more affective than Stevie Wonder saying he's rather drive than let a drunk person drive, plus, it doesn't rely on making fun of the blind to get the message across.<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; <strong>GTA IV reminds you to wear a seat belt:&nbsp;</strong> Whenever Niko crashes a &quot;borrowed&quot; car at high speeds, he will fly through the front windshield and unto the street.&nbsp; This knocks his health down quite a bit and can sometimes result in a trip to the hospital.&nbsp; Niko apparently doesn't understand the concept of using seat belts; I assume he doesn't even know what they are.&nbsp; Maybe, in Soviet Russia, seat belt wears you.&nbsp; Regardless ... kids, don't be like Niko: wear a seat belt.<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; <strong>GTA IV shows the importance of decision making:&nbsp;</strong> Many times, Niko is forced to make decisions.&nbsp; Should he kill the smart-mouthed successful drug dealer or the slightly annoying ex-con?&nbsp; Should he off the corrupt future police commissioner or the friendly junkie?&nbsp; Each decision he makes leads to different results.&nbsp; While killing the ex-con would make Niko a lot of money, killing the drug dealer results in a longterm friendship and new apartment.&nbsp; This shows kids the consequences of bad decisions.&nbsp; Should I huff paint or read <em>Moby Dick</em>?&nbsp; While Herman Melville spends a long and very boring chapter describing a dead whale tied to the side of a ship, huffing paint destroys your brain.&nbsp; Contemplating decisions is a big step in becoming an adult, and the kids could learn a lesson or two from Mr. Bellic.<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; <strong>GTA IV shows that crime doesn't pay:&nbsp;</strong> If Niko chooses a life of revenge, his girlfriend is ultimately murdered and, even after killing those who killed his love, he does not feel better about himself.&nbsp; If Niko decides against revenge, his dealings with the Mafia don't better him much either.&nbsp; The main point is that, while the quick money and police chases may be fun, at the end of the day you're still unhappy.&nbsp; If Niko had gone to college and gotten a degree in sociology or something, he'd at least have a job at Starbucks to look forward to.<br /> <br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; In conclusion, before you pass judgment on Niko Bellic, walk a mile in his shoes (you can even buy his shoes for him).&nbsp; Behind all the hookers and mass murder are many life lessons.&nbsp; And really, isn't the Bible the same way (case in point: Mary Magdalene and the estimated 30 million people God offs).&nbsp; Next time you sit down with your kids, instead of asking about their day or making them a Hot Pocket, pop in GTA IV.&nbsp; You'll probably learn something from Liberty City. <br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I know I did.&nbsp; <br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; <br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; (Author's Note: I didn't proofread this at all, so if there are a million errors in it, my apologies.&nbsp; Sadly, Niko Bellic taught me nothing about proofreading.)


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Caption: Felon or teacher? You decide. Or don't.
Credit: ArchStanton


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Caption: Felon or teacher? You decide. Or don't.
Credit: ArchStanton

 3376_gta_iv_artwork_niko_bellic_shotgun.jpg Felon or teacher? You decide. Or don't. ArchStanton Underground Austrian Sex Dungeons: The new talk show fad? http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/ArchStanton/7563 http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/ArchStanton/7563 &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I was never one of those people that thought Austria was a country inundated with kangaroos, Vegemite or really big knives.&nbsp; I was able to tell Australia and Austria apart rather easily from a very young age, but only based on knowing that for which Australia was famous.&nbsp; Until recently, I had no idea what set apart Austria from any other nation.<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; The only two things I knew came from Austria were bad.&nbsp; The most obvious being this failed painter who happened to be born there in 1889.&nbsp; His painting career never really took off, but he managed to find things that occupied his time between 1933-1945.&nbsp; I honestly can't remember the dude's name at the moment ... what was it ...&nbsp; It's seriously on the tip of my tongue.&nbsp; I know he had a dog named Blondi and was a huge fan of Hugo Boss.&nbsp; Oh well, it will come to me later.&nbsp; Either way, I do remember that he was really really bad.<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; The only other exposure I had to Austria was Dr. Elsa Schneider from <em>Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade</em>.&nbsp; While she was attractive, she turned out to be working with the bad guys and eventually fell in a hole.<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; So for at least 24 years of my life, I had no clue about what was shaking in the streets of Austria.&nbsp; Coincidently, neither did Elisabeth Fritzl.<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; In the event you've been underground for the past month (too soon?), it was revealed a few weeks back that an old Austrian man had kept his daughter in an underground dungeon for 24 years after faking her kidnapping.&nbsp; A terrible story, indeed.&nbsp; Poor Elisabeth was not only keep underground, but raped repeatedly by her kidnapper father, resulting in seven births.&nbsp; I won't go further into the details, because most of us know the story by now.&nbsp; So why bring it up?<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Apparently, there was another sex dungeon case in 2006.&nbsp; That's not the weird part, though.&nbsp; It was announced yesterday that the 2006 sex dungeon kidnap victim is going to have her own talk show.<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Seriously.&nbsp; I'm not kidding at all.<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Natascha Kampusch was kidnapped in 1998 and held in underground sex dungeon in Austria for eight and a half years.&nbsp; Evidently, to capitalize on the resurgence in Austrian sex dungeon popularity, she's been given a talk show.&nbsp; Not a special about her ordeal or an interview.&nbsp; A talk show.&nbsp; Like Regis and Kelly, but with a rape victim.<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; On her show, she's going to interview famous Austrians, I guess in some effort to repair the country's image, as 64% of Austrians believe their homeland's image has been tarnished by the sex dungeon case (the new one, not the old one).<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; In the event you don't believe any of what I've said, look it up.&nbsp; England's always wonderful <em>The Sun</em> has the best headline thus far: &quot;Telly Chat For Cellar Nat.&quot;<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; My main curiosity, besides wondering who pitched that concept for a talk show, is how anyone could ever complain as a guest on Kampusch's show.&nbsp; According to one story I read, her first guest on the June 1 premiere is ex-Formula One racer Niki Lauda.&nbsp; How awkward would that interview be:<br /> <br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; &quot;So, you run an airline, Mr. Lauda, that must be hard ....&quot;<br /> <br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &quot;Yes, it is difficult, being in charge of a company, especially an airline.&quot;<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; <br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; &quot;Yeah ... I bet that's hard ... you know, I was kept in an underground sex dungeon for eight and a half years.&nbsp; Got raped quite a bit, actually.&quot;<br /> <br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &quot;Uhhh ... well, running an airline is a lot ... ummm ... nevermind.&quot;<br /> <br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Maybe if Simon Wiesenthal was alive, she might have some competition with a fellow Austrian about life struggles.&nbsp; Other than that, every Austrian guest she has better be really nice to her and not complain about anything.<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Unless, of course, she gets an interview with Elisabeth Fritzl.&nbsp; Eight and a half years versus 24 years, not to mention, the assailant is your father...<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; On second thought, screw this entire blog, I have to make a call to Austria ... I have a great idea for a new talk show ...


Title: Doody.jpg
Caption: She almost got Indy killed at least once.
Credit: ArchStanton


Title: Doody.jpg
Caption: She almost got Indy killed at least once.
Credit: ArchStanton

 Doody.jpg She almost got Indy killed at least once. ArchStanton How Kitty Genovese inspired me to eat breakfast at 2 a.m. http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/ArchStanton/7267 http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/ArchStanton/7267 &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; While trying to figure out the difference between incidental and intended third party beneficiaries, I heard a remarkably loud noise.&nbsp; At first I assumed my upstairs neighbor had just drunkenly stumbled into his apartment.&nbsp; I understand that feeling, where you simply want to fall down as soon as you're back to the safety of home.&nbsp; Something about intoxication creates that desire in a person.&nbsp; Nothing feels better than knowing you'll wake up in the floor of a familiar setting the next day instead of a Taco Cabana bathroom.&nbsp; You usually only have enough energy, if you've done the job properly before &quot;last call,&quot; to walk about three steps into your apartment before collapsing.<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Then I heard another loud bang.&nbsp; Once again, I dismissed the noise, assuming maybe he got up for a second, then remembered that walking is very hard.&nbsp; A few people occasionally believe they still possess the abilities that sober people take for granted, then quickly surrender to the obvious.<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; On hearing the third bang, I decided to investigate.&nbsp; It was slowly becoming obvious that the noises were not coming from my upstairs neighbor, but from the apartment next to mine.&nbsp; Under the guise of having a casual smoke, I stepped outside.<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Apparently my apartment is slightly soundproof, as I immediately heard various expletives being hurled back and forth.&nbsp; What I thought were the simple sounds of frustrated inebriation were in fact a full-fledged domestic dispute.<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Party A was an angry female, clad only in a floral print bathrobe.&nbsp; Party B was an equally angry male wearing, to be expected, a white &quot;wife beater&quot; and black pants.&nbsp; The two seemed to be in disagreement over Party B's desire to take the car somewhere.&nbsp; Evidently, the car belonged to Party A, yet Party B decided he wanted to drive it.&nbsp; Party A did not want Party B driving and would not give up the keys.&nbsp; Party B desperately wanted those keys.<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; It was when the physical struggle began that I became concerned about how I should react.&nbsp; I'm well aware that, legally, I have no duty to do anything.&nbsp; At this point in my educational career, I've read various stories about the bystander effect, or Genovese Syndrome.&nbsp; Genovese Syndrome was aptly titled after a famous feline-named female by the name of Kitty Genovese.&nbsp; Not to be confused with other famous Kittys throughout history (Anne Frank's &quot;Dear Kitty,&quot; Hello Kitty, Kitty Wells, etc.), Genovese is famous for the circumstances of her murder.<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Kitty was raped, robbed and repeatedly stabbed while some of her neighbors supposedly looked on.&nbsp; The sexual assault and murder took place over a period of half an hour, with the assailant at one point leaving.&nbsp; He later returned (supposedly having put on a hat in the meantime) and finished the job.&nbsp; The original news report stated that 38 people did nothing, however that figure has since been revised to less than a dozen. <br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; As I watched these two strangers struggle over car keys, I pondered what I should do as a semi-concerned citizen.&nbsp; It was during that thought process that I wondered if I was an awful person.<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Option #1 was to attempt to stop the situation myself.&nbsp; I quickly nixed that idea, realizing that both Party A and Party B were sizable people.&nbsp; I'm no coward, but it's pretty bad when you'd lose a fight to the woman involved as fast as you would to the man.<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Option #2 was to yell something at the two.&nbsp; Not words of encouragement, obviously, but something like &quot;Hey, stop what you're doing&quot; or &quot;It's 1 in the morning, cut it out&quot; or even &quot;I hear you can customize your Grand Slam at Denny's now, we should all go there together.&quot;&nbsp; I nixed this idea as well, as Option #2 would inadvertently lead to Option #1.<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Option #3 was to call the police.&nbsp; This is the option I pondered the longest, as it was the option which affected me most.&nbsp; Clearly, I would have to go back into my apartment if I wanted to call the cops, which would involve me opening and closing my sliding door.&nbsp; At this point, neither party realized I was watching, yet they would be alerted to my presence when they heard the noise.&nbsp; This would result in probably my own tragic demise, as the winner of the fight would probably want to murder all witnesses as well.<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Then I began to think even more selfishly.&nbsp; If I call the cops and they show up, I have to talk to the cops.&nbsp; This requires me giving a statement.&nbsp; If Party B actually kills Party A, I might have to go to the police station.&nbsp; Then I'd have to testify at a trial.&nbsp; Then I might have to testify at the sentencing phase of the trial too.&nbsp; This moment in time could result in a lot of added grief to my already busy schedule.<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I started thinking about those neighbors of Genovese again.&nbsp; Did all of those people do the same thing I was presently doing?&nbsp; Did they weigh the pros and cons of getting involved?&nbsp; I couldn't just stand there and watch these people duke it out.&nbsp; I had to do something proactive.<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I decided to go to the Denny's across the street.&nbsp; I walked right by the two, who at this point had stopped fighting, and to my vehicle.&nbsp; I even said &quot;Who's up for Denny's?&quot; in a rather cheerful tone as I walked by.&nbsp; I had gone with secret Option #4, which combined aspects of Option #2 with the fact that I was rather hungry at that particular time.<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; As I type this on my laptop following a deliciously personalized Grand Slam, the two people I previously saw fighting have just walked into the same Denny's as me.&nbsp; They seem to be over their scuffle, no longer wearing robes and wifebeaters.&nbsp; They're even holding hands.&nbsp; So in my own remarkably retarded way, I managed to defuse a domestic dispute.&nbsp; Or society's love of Denny's did.&nbsp; Either way, one question remains:<br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Who ended up driving?