http://community.victoriaadvocate.com/home/Blog/G/7631 Hooray for real sports! After what feels like a long sabbatical after the conference finals, the NBA Finals are about to get underway. As a basketball nut myself, I am so glad to see its return. The past week has shown just how empty the sports world can be.  For instance, the biggest story has probably been the prime time performance of YouTube thug, Kimbo Slice.   Dude. Seriously, this guy looks terrifying. MMA may not be a real sport (it's not to me), but I find it curious this is the poster boy they trot out for primetime. On CBS, no less. The tiffany network, now featuring this guy! He looks like a deranged homeless person. He's like a freaked out, roided-up Dave Chappelle as Black Gallagher. The dude looks like he would turn Mike Tyson into Tyson chicken salad. I mean, Slice could just go to Chick-fil-A and have some of that tasty chicken salad, but I have a gut feeling his diet is mostly comprised of rusted bolts, broken glass and blood. Deep down, I tell myself not to be scared of this guy. His name is "Kimbo," for crying out loud. What a pansy name… but I'll let you tell him that.   Some have been talking the Triple Crown this week, but for some reason it centers around this.   A horse. Of course. Sorry, this is not sports news. The Triple Crown should not be brought up the past week unless you're talking about the Texas Rangers' Josh Hamilton or the Houston Astros' Lance Berkman.   The closest I've had to real sports the past week was watching Maria Sharapova at the French Open. Mmmmm. Maria.   Sure, the Stanley Cup Finals have been going on. Sure, I'd like to see the breakout NHL league superstar Sidney Crosby in action, but good luck finding NHL on TV. Is it still a finals if no one watches?   With that in mind, I'm sure Commissioner David Stern has been doing back flips at the potential ratings matchup of the Los Angeles Lakers and the Boston Celtics. Kinda like this.     Some people claim it was a conspiracy to get to this point. To prevent a San Antonio / Detroit matchup no one would've watched. After watching the conference finals, I can't say I agree with that assessment. The Pistons were lackadaisical with their backs against the wall, and my beloved Spurs were too sloppy. Without an energized Manu, there was no spark. Yes, that blown call on Brent Barry was a heartbreaker, but the fact is the Spurs should never have been in a situation where one last second call would decide a game. The Spurs are a far better team than the Lakers, but they never showed up to play. Anyways, what's done is done.   What we have before us is a marketed, retro NBA Finals. Clearly they hope this will be a rating bonanza. People tuning in with fixed memories of Magic and Bird. Worthy and McHale. Parish and Rambis. Heck, I can see the appeal. I use to play LA vs. Boston all the time on my own NES copy of Double Dribble. I, however, am not getting my hopes up. Why? Well, it's simple. Retro 80s hasn't necessarily translated well lately. Exhibit A:   Exhibit B:   Exhibit C:     The prosecution rests your honor. Even My Cousin Vinny can't argue against that case. Besides, the cast is far different than it was 20 years ago. The NBA game is overrun with yutes. I'm sorry... youths. For some reason, people are claiming the Lakers will dominate. Ninja please! All I can offer in response is this…     Granted the Lakers are a LOT better than they should be. They're basically a two-man team. Kobe Bryant and Pau Gasol are the only reasons they've made it this far. Lamar Odom is far too inconsistent to be a legit threat. Although I've always felt Coach Phil Jackson is more lucky than talented, he has done an incredible job this year to come out of the loaded Western conference with this cast of players. My problem with the Lakers is centered around this guy.    Kobe Bryant is a faux superstar. His game is so over-patterned on Michael Jordan it is no longer amusing, funny or entertaining. Watching him play is like going to Vegas and paying to watch a Cher impersonator. That's assuming Cher could pair with the likes of Scottie Pippen, Horace Grant, Dennis Rodman and that Kukoc guy to win some NBA titles.   Bryant wants to win a title so bad on his own, and I pray he's denied. After ousting Shaq in 2004, Bryant finally realized that he needed help. Even with Gasol, he's a pale shadow of what the 2000 Lake Show used to be. Today, Bryant is but a spinoff of a successful show. Sorry Kobe, not all spinoffs are successful. "Cheers" has a good run, and for every "Frasier," there's also "The Tortellis" (anyone remember that one?).  Guess which one you are, number 24?  One year ago Kobe was whining for a trade. He was ripping teammates. He was angling for a move to the Chicago Bulls so his Michael Jordan impersonation revue would be complete. Like a pouty child he gets denied his wish, but after the mid-season trade (i.e. theft) of Gasol, they've gone on a tear. They're very good, but not great. Over-achieving has gotten them this far, but I can't see them closing the deal.   On the other hand…   Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, and Paul Pierce are a trio worth rooting for. These three amigos play a very unselfish style of basketball that epitomizes team play. Plus, they actually play defense.     How can you not pull for these guys? One year ago it was the Paul Pierce show playing to angry home crowds. The Celtics were awful. Disjointed. Did he become a crybaby and try and force a trade to Chicago? No. Pierce has repeatedly shown character throughout his career, and I'm glad he has the chance to shine on the NBA's biggest stage.   One of the great competitors, Kevin Garnett, arrived this year after toiling in the empty confines of Minnesota. His fire has lit up the Celtics this year, and I love to watch him give his all.  Also arriving via trade this year, Ray Allen has always been one of my favorite NBA players, and is a class act. His game also features the sweetest jump shot in the league. Now that he's finally coming around offensively, he could be an important factor in this series. Allen has been the man in every place he's played, and so has given up the most in transitioning to the unselfish Celtics. He's more a role player on this squad, but his class, professionalism, and leadership still provide intangibles.      The Lakers are most likely entering these finals with a false sense of security. They think they can turn it on at will, and can outscore the boys in green. With these amigos at the helm, I think the Lakers are in for a surprise. No, not a sweater.    I'm talking about defense. And I think Boston can shut em down. Despite my enthusiasm for watching the Celtics, I don't think this will be a particularly interesting Finals matchup. After all, I'm pulling for substance over flash. Smart play over athleticism. Teams over superstars. But mostly, I'm pulling for the denial of Kobe Bryant. Ah, one allure of sports is thus: It's as much fun to root against a team as it is to root for one you actually support. You can't get that with a horse. Or a scary cage fighter. If I want brutality, I'd dust off my Playstation and play Mortal Kombat.     My prediction? Celtics in six. But I recognize it could go either way. The real question is what do I do if I lose interest? Oh well, there's always Laker girls. A.K.A. The real reason Jack loves the Lake Show. It's quite likely I'll be drooling like Homer Simpson.     Double dribble, indeed. Hooray for real sports! After what feels like a long sabbatical after the conference finals, the NBA Finals are about to get underway. As a basketball nut myself, I am so glad to see its return. The past week has shown just how empty the sports world can be.  For instance, the biggest story has probably been the prime time performance of YouTube thug, Kimbo Slice.   Dude. Seriously, this guy looks terrifying. MMA may not be a real sport (it's not to me), but I find it curious this is the poster boy they trot out for primetime. On CBS, no less. The tiffany network, now featuring this guy! He looks like a deranged homeless person. He's like a freaked out, roided-up Dave Chappelle as Black Gallagher. The dude looks like he would turn Mike Tyson into Tyson chicken salad. I mean, Slice could just go to Chick-fil-A and have some of that tasty chicken salad, but I have a gut feeling his diet is mostly comprised of rusted bolts, broken glass and blood. Deep down, I tell myself not to be scared of this guy. His name is "Kimbo," for crying out loud. What a pansy name… but I'll let you tell him that.   Some have been talking the Triple Crown this week, but for some reason it centers around this.   A horse. Of course. Sorry, this is not sports news. The Triple Crown should not be brought up the past week unless you're talking about the Texas Rangers' Josh Hamilton or the Houston Astros' Lance Berkman.   The closest I've had to real sports the past week was watching Maria Sharapova at the French Open. Mmmmm. Maria.   Sure, the Stanley Cup Finals have been going on. Sure, I'd like to see the breakout NHL league superstar Sidney Crosby in action, but good luck finding NHL on TV. Is it still a finals if no one watches?   With that in mind, I'm sure Commissioner David Stern has been doing back flips at the potential ratings matchup of the Los Angeles Lakers and the Boston Celtics. Kinda like this.     Some people claim it was a conspiracy to get to this point. To prevent a San Antonio / Detroit matchup no one would've watched. After watching the conference finals, I can't say I agree with that assessment. The Pistons were lackadaisical with their backs against the wall, and my beloved Spurs were too sloppy. Without an energized Manu, there was no spark. Yes, that blown call on Brent Barry was a heartbreaker, but the fact is the Spurs should never have been in a situation where one last second call would decide a game. The Spurs are a far better team than the Lakers, but they never showed up to play. Anyways, what's done is done.   What we have before us is a marketed, retro NBA Finals. Clearly they hope this will be a rating bonanza. People tuning in with fixed memories of Magic and Bird. Worthy and McHale. Parish and Rambis. Heck, I can see the appeal. I use to play LA vs. Boston all the time on my own NES copy of Double Dribble. I, however, am not getting my hopes up. Why? Well, it's simple. Retro 80s hasn't necessarily translated well lately. Exhibit A:   Exhibit B:   Exhibit C:     The prosecution rests your honor. Even My Cousin Vinny can't argue against that case. Besides, the cast is far different than it was 20 years ago. The NBA game is overrun with yutes. I'm sorry... youths. For some reason, people are claiming the Lakers will dominate. Ninja please! All I can offer in response is this…     Granted the Lakers are a LOT better than they should be. They're basically a two-man team. Kobe Bryant and Pau Gasol are the only reasons they've made it this far. Lamar Odom is far too inconsistent to be a legit threat. Although I've always felt Coach Phil Jackson is more lucky than talented, he has done an incredible job this year to come out of the loaded Western conference with this cast of players. My problem with the Lakers is centered around this guy.    Kobe Bryant is a faux superstar. His game is so over-patterned on Michael Jordan it is no longer amusing, funny or entertaining. Watching him play is like going to Vegas and paying to watch a Cher impersonator. That's assuming Cher could pair with the likes of Scottie Pippen, Horace Grant, Dennis Rodman and that Kukoc guy to win some NBA titles.   Bryant wants to win a title so bad on his own, and I pray he's denied. After ousting Shaq in 2004, Bryant finally realized that he needed help. Even with Gasol, he's a pale shadow of what the 2000 Lake Show used to be. Today, Bryant is but a spinoff of a successful show. Sorry Kobe, not all spinoffs are successful. "Cheers" has a good run, and for every "Frasier," there's also "The Tortellis" (anyone remember that one?).  Guess which one you are, number 24?  One year ago Kobe was whining for a trade. He was ripping teammates. He was angling for a move to the Chicago Bulls so his Michael Jordan impersonation revue would be complete. Like a pouty child he gets denied his wish, but after the mid-season trade (i.e. theft) of Gasol, they've gone on a tear. They're very good, but not great. Over-achieving has gotten them this far, but I can't see them closing the deal.   On the other hand…   Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, and Paul Pierce are a trio worth rooting for. These three amigos play a very unselfish style of basketball that epitomizes team play. Plus, they actually play defense.     How can you not pull for these guys? One year ago it was the Paul Pierce show playing to angry home crowds. The Celtics were awful. Disjointed. Did he become a crybaby and try and force a trade to Chicago? No. Pierce has repeatedly shown character throughout his career, and I'm glad he has the chance to shine on the NBA's biggest stage.   One of the great competitors, Kevin Garnett, arrived this year after toiling in the empty confines of Minnesota. His fire has lit up the Celtics this year, and I love to watch him give his all.  Also arriving via trade this year, Ray Allen has always been one of my favorite NBA players, and is a class act. His game also features the sweetest jump shot in the league. Now that he's finally coming around offensively, he could be an important factor in this series. Allen has been the man in every place he's played, and so has given up the most in transitioning to the unselfish Celtics. He's more a role player on this squad, but his class, professionalism, and leadership still provide intangibles.      The Lakers are most likely entering these finals with a false sense of security. They think they can turn it on at will, and can outscore the boys in green. With these amigos at the helm, I think the Lakers are in for a surprise. No, not a sweater.    I'm talking about defense. And I think Boston can shut em down. Despite my enthusiasm for watching the Celtics, I don't think this will be a particularly interesting Finals matchup. After all, I'm pulling for substance over flash. Smart play over athleticism. Teams over superstars. But mostly, I'm pulling for the denial of Kobe Bryant. Ah, one allure of sports is thus: It's as much fun to root against a team as it is to root for one you actually support. You can't get that with a horse. Or a scary cage fighter. If I want brutality, I'd dust off my Playstation and play Mortal Kombat.     My prediction? Celtics in six. But I recognize it could go either way. The real question is what do I do if I lose interest? Oh well, there's always Laker girls. A.K.A. The real reason Jack loves the Lake Show. It's quite likely I'll be drooling like Homer Simpson.     Double dribble, indeed. en-us