Blogs » Good Times » When I lived in Dallas



Got me to thinking when I read about all the crime up here in Victoria, I got a Bronze 76 Fleetwood and a new Lexus, but Willie my dog he loves that Fleetwood, I moved off in to Northcrest cause it reminded me of my neighboorhood up off in Dallas. After my husband of 32 years passed I got to thinking bout being more secure cause like I told yall I attended Antioch fellowship baptist church, and after Zeke rolled dead on me I went to church even more regularly and thanked the good lord for the prudential rock insurance he left me, Well my piece of that rock paid me well, and lifes fine as wine now

Well I was a praying and a staying at church still grieving Zeke, and it was one of dem days that dont be going my way. Sister Betty brought two of the ugliest an orneist of her six siblings and theyre mouth was running like a leaked toilet. I got two of the hushers from back of that church to put a hushing to those boys, ushers I call them but theys not near as handsome as them like I tell you happy handed deacons. But that a story till another day.

Well I aint got no need for no more churching and the service is ending and the last hallelujahs are heading sweet heavens way. So I kiss the ugly chidren and off on my way home. Well I gets home and my door seem a little wrong sort that feeling when you finished frying the chicken an you not sure if you turnt the stove off. Well I walk on in to my house and Lord have Mercy they a man their wit my pillowcases and pearls just a stuffinng them full of my jewelry. So I z as scared as I could be and he standing between me and my kitchen, cause I was itchin to get one of my skittlets and beat the living daylights from the little sucka, So I raised my hands to the heavens and screamed Acts 2:38 turn from your sin, well I didnt get another word outta my mouth and that boys eyes lit like Jack Bennys Rochesters. He turned tale and busted out a window getting outta the house. Well my neighboor sense a little suspicion and hadt called the police knowing well I was prayings to Jesus. Well the officer patrolling the block justa happened to run down the little hood, and best he did, cause Iz about to tear up off in my fleetwood with ma skillet and beat his lil ass to china. Had gotten my big 12 inch skillet to outs the kitchen. If ida known Ida taken my 8 incher from out from under the Cadillacs seat to begin with.

Gots my skillet and this police car with lights a flashing pulls in behind my fleetwood and the policeman gets out and I see the little hood off in the back seat and I start to movin in on the back door with my skillet ready to let him start praying to baby Jesus for the lesson im bout to bestow on him.

Officer stops me cold, telling me to hold on that Id scared that boy enough. I telling him I just read a little scripture at the robbery boy, and the police man says the boy told him I had a ax and two 38 pistols. Now that pretty funny they hault that boy outta here fast as greased lightning. So I took my skillet back into the kitchen and decided to by a dog.

So I gots Willie, he the baddest pitbull you ever done laid eyes on, and I bought a colt python revolver and one of dem anaconda revolvers. and them barrels as big as a snake belly. So if you gonna do the crime that time at no big thing if willie latchs on ya, cause them bullets a bit pricey, cause Id just as soon hammer your head flat with my frying pans

That willie he wrestle down a bull in a heartbeat,